Superstition
by alreadyinuse
Summary: A Friday the Thirteenth prank goes wrong Severus and Remus are forced to spend time together alone. Rated for occasional notsonice language.Revamped as of 8 Dec 05
1. Chapter One

_And now the story is being re-written. I have let this baby sit far too long, gathering cobwebs and dust. I ought to be ashamed of myself. But… I'll let you all be annoyed for me, kay?_

_Kiana_

_**Eighth December 2005**_

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_...the wind that shakes the barley well it rattles in my bones. I wake up with a hunger but for what I do not know. I know somewhere it matters and there's got to be a reason why I feel this way with you... you've given me so much to believe in._

**Chapter One**

"Remind me again, Lupin, why I'm stuck here, and with you of all people?" Severus Snape sounded uninterested in the fact he was indeed stuck in a room with Remus Lupin, unable to leave and unable to request aide. Only his non-ending sea of sarcastic barbs and incessant pacing denounced his seemingly uncaring façade. That, and the fact he had asked the same question three times now in the last hour.

Remus merely raised a brow as he looked up from his book "Because your Slytherins decided to pull yet another prank on the teacher's room, third in a week, I might add, only to pull out at the last minute when remembering it was Friday the Thirteenth."

Severus stopped pacing and rounded on Remus, lips twisted into a snarl. "It was not my students, Professor, as we've already been through several times now. Perhaps when we finally are removed from this squalor you should have your hearing checked with Madam Pomfrey."

"If we've been through it several times, Severus, it would be your fault for asking the same question over and over."

"Once again you are mistaken Professor. Had your answer been satisfactory in the first place, there would be no need for me to repeat it. I certainly hope you teach your classes more articulately than you have displayed your ability to be so here."

"Good job for me then that most of my students aren't bitter, stubborn, self-important prats then, isn't it?" Remus said mildly, turning back to his book, staring unseeing at the words on the page. He hadn't meant to bite back, but it wasn't as though he enjoyed being stuck in this room, with Snape, anymore than Snape did.

Eyes narrowing, Severus made to take a step closer to Lupin, stopping suddenly as if being so near put him in danger of catching some affliction or another. "No, they are just foolish little children that take pity on the monster that would make them his dinner, should they catch him on a bad night."

Remus lifted a side of his mouth into a grin, giving up on the book, folding it closed and placing it on the table beside him. "_Any_ night, Severus. Not just a bad one," he corrected, stretched his legs out on the floor in front of him. "Although I have found that children don't have much meat on them. Fully-grown adults taste much better, especially when flavoured with cliché."

"I'll be sure to inform the house elves of your preference. Perhaps they will be able to provide you it at dinner. After all, we all have such a lovely spread, it is only fair that you have your food of choice also."

"Most kind of you, Severus."

Taking a seat with a snort, Severus picked up a copy of 'The Daily Prophet' and began to absently flick through the pages, making great show of being far more interested in the latest stores at Diagon Alley than he was in one Remus Lupin. "The least you can do is try and think of a way to get us out if here. You are, after all, supposed to be an expert in dark magic. Opening a door shouldn't pose too much of a problem to someone of your expertise."

Remus glanced up, surprised. "You know as well as I that the spell will last for thirteen hours. Any tampering with it will only cause the spell time to reset. However, if you're that interested in spending time with me, I can certainly _try_." Remus couldn't help himself, teasing Severus as he was. Someone had to lighten the atmosphere in the room, they were, after all, in here for quite a while yet, and he well knew that Severus certainly would not be the one to do so.

Sighing, Severus threw the paper back down on the desk. "Thirteen hours. Wonderful."

Long moments of uncomfortable silence passed before Remus spoke again. "Are you done with that paper?"

Snape snorted. "If I wasn't, I wouldn't have put it back on the table, would I?"

"Accio paper," Remus said, ignoring Severus. And he meant to continue doing so, flipping through the pages of the Prophet slowly.

There were many things that annoyed Severus, and being ignored by someone he wished to ignore was one of them. That it was Lupin only added that much more to his annoyance and frustration. "There is an article there that may be of interest to you. A review of the Werewolf law I believe. I assume you are familiar with it but I doubt it would do much harm to read it regardless."

"Thank you," Remus said, not bothering to look up.

Glaring at Lupin, Severus took his wand out of his robes and went about making great show in mock polishing it. Whispering a few words, he pointed it in the direction of the paper and watched as it promptly burst into flames. "My apologies," he drawled, smirking. "I should be more careful while polishing my wand."

"Not at all." Remus stood up and calmly shook the ashes off his shirt and hands before taking a seat on the other side of the room and picking up an old magazine to read instead; Severus' eyes narrowing. He'd been hoping for a reaction, preferably one of anger, so that he may make a point of ignoring the other man. Not this… ignoring of him by the bloody werewolf.

Giving Lupin a dirty look, Severus rose and walked towards the door, running his hands over it. "Where exactly to you suppose those Gryffindors learned a spell of this nature? Or is this something they picked up in one of your lessons?"

_flip._

Remus turned a page before answering. "I couldn't tell you, Severus, but I'm sure you'll ask each and every one of them after we get out."

_flip_.

"Indeed I shall." Moving away from the door, Severus walked towards a table in the corner that had some refreshments laid out upon it. Pouring himself a goblet of pumpkin juice, he hesitantly turned his eyes towards Lupin, who was still only paying attention to the magazine in his hand. Lips thinned in annoyance, he paused for a moment before speaking. "Would you care of something to drink Professor?"

"Thank you but no, Severus. I'll pass for now."

Glaring hotly at the sandy-haired man, an effort wasted, Severus retook his seat and sat in silence, sipping his juice.

An hour passed before Remus put down his magazine. Pausing for a moment, he then stood and walked to Severus, offering him the magazine by setting it down on the table next to him. "In case you wish to read it."

Severus shook his head, declining the offer. "While it may be enough to amuse your mind for the hour you were engrossed in it, I hardly think it worth even several minutes of my time."

Remus sat again, taking a seat closer to Severus this time, with a grin on his lips that he wasn't quite able to hide from the other man.

Opening his mouth as if to speak, Severus paused and tilted his head. "You realise what day this is, of course?"

Remus twisted his mouth into a wry smile. "Indeed. Even if I had forgotten, the Slyth... Gryffindor students reminded me of such as they ran away screaming – quite loudly – about it after realising they had botched a prank on _Friday the Thirteenth_.

Severus raised a brow at the mention of his students, but relaxed once Lupin corrected his mistake. Secretly he couldn't help but feel that had he not been involved and that his House was responsible, he would have been rather amused. But he was involved, and his House wasn't responsible and he most certainly was not amused.

Sighing, he looked at the clock on the wall. Surely Dumbledore would have realised they were missing and attempted to contact them, or if not that, then at least the other Professors should have been wondering why they couldn't get into the staff room.

Something stuck him then as odd, the way that Lupin had emphasised that today was Friday the Thirteenth. It had never occurred to Snape that Lupin may be even remotely superstitious and as he gazed at him through narrowed eyes, he posed the question that he would ordinarily not have asked, had he not been so _bloody bored_. "I would have thought that you would have known better than believe in all that mumbo jumbo Lupin."

"'Superstition is the religion of feeble minds,'" Remus quoted with a laugh. "No, I'm not superstitious. It's just a childhood memory that tends to stick around, I suppose. There's always a few of those that stay, whether you wish to remember them or not."

Severus sat up, clearly intrigued despite his best efforts to hide it. What was the werewolf hiding? "Is that so?"

Clearly surprised by Severus' interest but wise enough to not show it, Remus nodded. "My brother died on a Friday the Thirteenth, and I received my bite the same day."

He spoke as calmly as one could given the subject, but he knew he sounded strained and he hated it. Giving Severus more fodder for his barbs was foolish, but Remus was an honest person. Honest, and obviously foolish. But Severus had asked, had shown more interest then, no doubt out of boredom, than he had in as long as Remus could remember. Since they were in school, and before Sirius, no doubt.

"I wasn't aware that you had a brother."

"Most people aren't, or weren't, aware," Remus shrugged. "I don't often mention it."

"I see. What happened?"

Remus pursed his lips, a habit when he was annoyed or thinking. And in this case, he was both, although annoyed to a lesser degree than he was thoughtful, and more at himself than at Severus. "I was told he died in the same attack that cursed me."

"Is that so," Severus drawled, tilting his head slightly, sizing the other man up. "You don't remember, I take it?"

"Not... exactly." Remus did remember parts of it, but what he had been told contradicted what he knew, and that wasn't exactly a story he wished to go into with someone that he was friends with – and one could hardly call Severus Snape a friend.

"Exactly?" Not one to be easily fooled, Severus sensed that Lupin was holding back, not that he could blame him of course, however he was driven more by his desire to know than his regard for whether Lupin cared to talk about it or not. Frankly, he didn't care at all if Lupin wished to share his experience with him. He wanted to know, and one way or another he would find out.

"Exactly, completely, absolutely, explicitly, wholly, and or for certain. Etcetera, and so forth." Remus rarely spoke with haste, but wanted to call the words back as soon as he said them. It wasn't that he wanted to irritate Snape, but speaking of Matt was not exactly Remus' idea of a Good Time.

Snorting, Severus scowled. "Thank you for that lesson in synonyms, Lupin, but I do know what 'exactly' means. Mind you, I should have known better than to expect anything other than derisive reply from you."

Which meant that he had indeed irritated Snape further. Thirteen hours of this... God save him. Now, preferably. "You're correct, of course, my apologies. It is surprising though, I would have thought of all people, you would enjoy sarcasm." A weak apology, he knew, but it was the best Remus had.

"Sarcasm has a time and a place Lupin, and that place is not when I ask you a question."

"Of course not, Professor. Again, my most sincere apologies." If Remus was anything but sincere, he certainly didn't sound it. His tone and face pledged his apology, almost eager in his half-hearted attempts to soothe Severus and try to make the next several hours go by as smoothly as possible.

Severus appeared to accept the tone of remorse as he stood and went to refill his goblet. "Are you going to answer my question or not?"

Remus glanced at the clock before answering; they had only been in the room for two hours. That left them eleven more to go. It would not hurt, much, to be somewhat honest with Severus, hopefully. Remus had always held Severus in a high regard as far as intelligence went, and being on speaking terms with the man might actually prove enjoyable, even if the subject was painful. Perhaps it would encourage Snape to be - be what? Remus wondered. Perhaps more cordial, he supposed, which was as much as he could expect from the other man.

And he knew even that was asking for overly much.

"I remember very little of the night I was attacked, most of my memories are from that day. My mother was an intelligent woman, but had a fondness for superstitions," Remus laughed quietly as he said this, his fondness for his mother and her quirks apparent. "My father was a Muggle, and if there was one thing he would have changed about my mother, it was her little idiosyncrasies in regards to those superstitions. Quite backward from what I understand, Muggles are usually the superstition ones. Fearful of the mere mention of magic, witch, or wizard."

Remus paused and glanced at Snape, gauging for a reaction. Severus said nothing, only stared back at Remus with an expectant expression. Remus took the cue and continued. "We went camping that weekend. My mother felt it was bad luck to start our trip on Friday the Thirteenth, but my father scoffed at her and told her it was foolish to live by superstitions, and he wasn't going to let any false belief ruin the weekend he had planned for all of us. She insisted he listen to her fears only once more before giving in. I remember he laughed and hugged her, and told her he would protect her and us and should anything happen he would take her beating like a man. They both laughed then, and we left that morning." Remus smiled slightly at the memory.

Severus nodded, his face rapt with attention, silently urging Lupin to continue. So he did.

"We made camp not far from the Point of Ness that afternoon. The day passed enjoyably; it was unseasonably warm for that time of year, especially for that area. My father teased my mother about that too. Said if anything, it was a sign of good luck.

"Not long after supper, Matt and I set off to explore a circle of stones we thought to be a portal tomb. We had no warning. I remember feeling my skin prickle, and at the same time, Matt was shouting at me. The next thing I truly remember is waking up at St. Mungo's, and wondering why no one would look at me nor talk to me."

He took a breath, releasing it slowly before continuing. "When they did speak, they told me first that Matthew had died. A werewolf had attacked us, they told me, biting me and then Matt when he tried to save me. They said there had been nothing left of him, nothing for us to bury, or to even find. However..." he paused, concentrating, "however, I remember looking up and seeing Matt running after the werewolf. The werewolf was limping, crying. They found his body, but never Matt's."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "And this didn't strike anyone as being particularly odd? A werewolf does not just die following a brutal attack, especially not one on two defenceless young children."

"I'm sure it did, but not many people seemed to care. My parents tried, but given my condition, few would help them. Those that tried only met with the same resistance." He shrugged again. "I'm certain people thought Matt would also be cursed, probably rightfully so, and they felt it better to leave him to fend for himself and die than to help and risk bringing another of us into society." The rancour in Remus' was missing, although his emphasis had not gone unnoticed by either man.

"And what about you Lupin? You, too, were content to leave it at that?"

"No, of course not. I have looked, asked, searched. All to no avail. The same people that wouldn't speak to my parents because of me certainly won't speak to me," he explained. "I have tried, I just haven't been able to get very far."

"Spoken like a true quitter." Severus shook his head in disbelief at what he was hearing. He found it incomprehensible that Lupin wouldn't use whatever means necessary to obtain the information he wanted, as Severus himself would do if the occasion called for it.

"However did you make Gryffindor? Aren't you all suppose to fight valiantly till the end for what you believe in?" he snorted, never before feeling that his disdain for the Gryffindor house was so completely justified by its pitiful students, present or past.

"If thinking that makes you happy, don't let me change your mind," Remus replied mildly.

Severus merely reclined back onto the sofa, and continued sipping his pumpkin juice. Remus was unsure if more was expected of him to say or if he had already said enough. Snape looked angry and annoyed… again. Not much from the norm, but it wasn't as though Remus had expected sympathy or understanding either.

Not, either, that he could help the bit of hurt, on more than one level, to know, so unquestionably that after all this time, after everything they had done together, during the War, before, after, and for each other, that Severus still despised him to the level he did.

He tilted his head and gave voice to his thoughts. "You really do dislike me, don't you." It wasn't a question, and Remus didn't really expect an answer.

Severus' gaze was fixed firmly on the wall in front of him, apparently finding it somewhat fascinating, as he was unable to draw his eyes away from it. "You speak as if you already know the answer to that, so why ask?"

Remus wasn't certain that _he_ had an answer to that, beyond more honesty, he supposed. Why stop now, after all? "Because it would be nice to think otherwise."

Sighing, Severus stood and made to walk back towards the door. He had never been a claustrophobic man, however his need to escape from the room was increasing rapidly with every word that Lupin uttered. Why did that intolerable man have to keep asking questions that were only matched in their ridiculousness by this whole situation? "If it would give you comfort to believe otherwise, then please do so. Anything for some peace and quiet."

Of course, Remus thought dryly. He should have known better than to expect civilised conversation out of the other Professor. Severus Snape? Civilised? And Remus wasn't a werewolf. Silently, he continued to watch Snape.

Inspecting the door, Severus shrugged as he moved his hands towards the knob in a futile attempt to open it. "It shouldn't matter to you one way or another if I liked you. I really don't see why you are making such a fuss, other than your intolerable and unrealistic ideals that everyone ought to like you."

Remus watched with a growing sense of horror and amusement as Severus continued to play with the door, a clear sign, and the only current sign, of the other man's annoyance and discomfort. "Because I rather like you, Severus, although most days I have utterly no idea why. I'd hardly say I'm making a fuss, though."

Pulling hard, Severus shook the door several times before heaving a sigh and slumping back against it. Slowly, his face took upon an expression of puzzled bewilderment as Lupin's admission finally dawned on him. "Well don't."

Remus raised a brow and shrugged in reply, as though to say What's it to you? before he his faced cleared and he leaned back in his chair, following the hazy green smoke as it waffled up from beneath the door, and watching as realisation dawned on Snape's face. "Thirteen hours from now, then?" Remus asked cheerfully.


	2. Chapter Two

_...the wind that shakes the barley well it rattles in my bones. I wake up with a hunger but for what I do not know. I know somewhere it matters and there's got to be a reason why I feel this way with you... you've given me so much to believe in._

**Chapter Two**

Snape gazed at Lupin with eyes that were confused and questioning, until finally the realization struck him in all its hideousness. "You do realize that was entirely your fault." As Snape was convinced that it was. Had Lupin not started an onslaught of questions his need leave the room wouldn't have reached such levels of urgency as would cause him to make such a blunder. Yes, Lupin was to blame.

Remus could not have expected less from Severus Snape. "Of course it is, Severus." Remus smiled gently, the way one would at a small child. "Mind telling me why?"

"You and your idiotic questions, Lupin, as you are well aware!" Snape spat back, his beetle black eyes flashing malevolently.

"And what, exactly, was so idiotic about my questions?"

Snape's face twisted into an expression of astonishment and loathing. "Your need to have everyone like you Lupin truly is repulsive. Honestly, what makes you think that _I_ could ever possibly like someone like _you_. The notion is beyond preposterous!"

"Perhaps you ought to be the one to have your hearing checked after we get out of here?" Remus asked, shrugging. "I never suggested such a thing, Severus. I said, if you may recall, I rather liked you. After all, in the very least it would be indecent of me not to. Of course, you try to ruin that image every time you open your mouth, but I rather think it is expected of you. At any rate," he continued, voice only a little colder now, "you have expressed your feelings well enough that even an ignorant beast such as myself could manage to comprehend. Do not fear, I've no lingering doubts about your disgust."

"Well, I'm glad we finally understand each other." Snape replied coolly, his face expressionless as he retook his seat and picked up the magazine he had declined to read earlier.

An hour had passed as the two men sat in silence. Snape had managed to prolong his scanning of the magazine by staring blindly at the pictures as they danced before his eyes without really seeing them at all. Refocusing, he slowly lifted his gaze apprehensively in Lupin's direction. He was busying himself marking some papers that he had brought along with him earlier. Watching as Lupin's brow furrowed in concentration, Snape found himself strangely fascinated as the other Professor's expressions changed as his eyes read over the pieces of parchment laid on the table before him. Willing himself to look away, he tried to avert his gaze from the eyes that twinkled with pride, and occasionally surprise, as Lupin's hands deftly scribbled his comments in reply to the assignments.

Shaking his head, Snape cleared his throat as he stood and walked back towards the refreshment table. Being in such close quarters for an extended period with Lupin had begun to take its toll on him. For a brief moment he found himself wondering what it would be like to have those same eyes upon him, looking at him with the same joy and pride as he had seen. For one split second, Snape found himself wanting to be liked by Lupin, and it annoyed him greatly. Scowling, he poured himself some more juice as he walked back towards the door. "I wonder how the students managed to get past the Gargoyles at the door. Usually they are rather adept at preventing them from getting so close."

"They do it in groups. The girls usually distracted the Gargoyles while the boys do whatever it is they are going to do."

Nodding, Snape turned and faced Lupin, staring him squarely in the eye. "That would make sense. What doesn't make sense is why no-one has come to check on us."

"We can't get out, they can't get in. The students didn't mean to do so; they only meant to cast a few spells to spook anyone with superstitions. From what I heard, either one or all of the three boys failed to remind the girl that it was Friday the Thirteenth. She became scared, tried to reverse the spell, and here we are. No doubt Dumbledore knows what, who and why, and I have little doubt he is amused by it. "

"I see." Bringing the goblet to his lips again, Snape's eyes never left Lupin's. "So then it is certain that we will be spending a great deal of time here together. As unfavorable as I am sure it is for both of us, we may as well pass the time as best we can. You can do so by telling me more about what happened after you received your bite." It was not a question, Snape rarely asked anyone to do anything. Retaking his seat, he turned slightly so that his body was facing Lupin.

'_Can I indeed?' _ Remus thought with some amusement. He put the papers aside and folded his hands, trying not to show that he indeed was amused and a bit unnerved by Snape's unwavering gaze. "What, precisely, would you like to know?"

"Everything," came Snape's simple reply.

This time Remus was unable to control his surprise but to his credit, he recovered quickly. "Very well then. There is not very much else to say; most of it is rather dull. After the nurse told me about Matt, I became angry. I told her she was wrong or lying. Alienating the one person that would speak to me was a mistake on my part, but I refused to believe her. I stayed at St. Mungo's for several weeks, undergoing tests of all sorts. No one would listen to me when I said Matt was alive, and I was told in the interest of my health, I should drop it."

He paused, running a hand down his face at the memory. Snape merely nodded, an indicator he wasn't finished listening. Remus straightened and continued. "We looked for him for the next several years. We found nothing; no one would talk once they found out what we wanted. We stopped actively searching when I came to Hogwarts. My parents, although never giving up hope or will, had exhausted all means of search they had." He shrugged again. "That's pretty much all there is to tell."

"Tell me more of the searching."

Remus frowned. "We searched. We asked. We went places, asked questions, and... searched. More often then not someone would come by and offer 'friendly' advice, telling us it was better to forget it. _'Your boy was attacked by a werewolf and disappeared? You're better off leaving him to die than raising a savage monster! Be grateful you have one normal boy left to raise!_'" Remus mimicked the voices perfectly. "After my mother hexed a group of men who had said something similar, we learned it would be wiser to not ask questions. We researched the area, the legends, checked towns, and orphanages in both the muggles' world and ours. We watched the news, read papers, went on discreet trips. Never did we learn anything to tell us that Matt hadn't died."

"Except of course for the lack of body which is customary in confirming the death of someone is it not?" Snape's tone wasn't unkind, merely analytical. Lupin's story had presented him with a mystery, and Snape found himself inexplicably drawn to it accompanied by a strong desire to have it solved.

"They said the werewolf ate Matt. A possible theory, given that most people believe that sort of thing," Remus said evenly, brow raised.

"Yes, but even if that were true, it wouldn't consume the entire body Lupin as you should be well aware. There would still be remnants to indicate that this was indeed the case."

"Indeed. No one else cared if it was a less than satisfactory answer however, so we were left to our own devises. However, in that area, it rains a lot and the wind blows a lot. We searched often and found nothing."

Rubbing his chin between his thumb and forefinger, Snape nodded once more. "I see. What became of your parents after your admittance to Hogwarts?"

"They searched still, for years afterward."

"And I take it that their endeavors were fruitless."

"They found nothing to confirm our beliefs, no."

Waving his wand, Snape floated the pitcher of pumpkin juice over to the table, evidently tired of standing to refill his glass. "Are you sure you wouldn't care for a refreshment?"

"A glass of juice would be nice, thank you." Remus waited for Snape to pour, grateful for the chance to stand and retrieve the glass, getting him out from under Snape's stare. He returned to his seat, unsurprised his hands were shaking.

This fact hadn't escaped Snape's notice, as few things generally do. "Is something the matter Lupin?"

This time Remus didn't bother to hide his surprised at Snape's questioning. "No, I'm fine. It's just been a while since I've spoken of it is all," he said with a shrug.

"I see. When exactly _was_ the last time you spoke of it?"

"Not since my parents died... so almost twenty-six years ago," Remus said quietly.

Snape swallowed slightly louder than normal as he took another sip from his goblet; the only sign that he may have been the slightest bit surprised. "What, may I ask, happened to them?"

"They were searching for any leads on Matthew near where we had been camping that night, when a gale-force storm hit. They didn't survive."

Snape was puzzled. His brow furrowed, he leant slightly closer to Lupin. "Exactly what happened to them?"

"The storm hit without warning while they were sleeping. They would not have even had a chance to grab their wands. They were in a muggle camping area as to avoid the people from our world that would know why they were there and what they were looking for, so they did not even have the luxury of wards or magical protection. They, along with a few other families near by, were killed by the resulting storm and debris."

Snape lowered his eyes, reluctant to allow Lupin to see the compassion that would surely be betrayed by his gaze. It wasn't in his nature to be so, especially not with someone he had no regard for. Death, however tragic, was a natural part of life and one that he himself had accepted long ago, however something about Lupin's tale touched him and he couldn't fully explain why. "You were still in school at this time I take it."

"Yes. It happened at the beginning of our sixth year."

Clearing his throat, Snape raised his eyes to Lupin's once more. "You mentioned that when you searched people wouldn't talk to you, I take it you carried out your own search following graduation."

"Indeed I did. Which got me almost no where, as you know already."

"Almost no where? You did make _some_ progress then?"

Remus paused, tilting his head to the side slightly. "I am not sure if one could call it progress. It could be nothing more than pure coincidence, but I found a letter at an old house, a house I'd been directed to by someone. The letter read _'John, I'm sorry. R.M.'_ It wasn't much, but to me it was a possibility."

Snape blinked several times, trying to make sense of what Lupin had said and see the connection. Infuriated that he couldn't, he eventually shrugged and conceded defeat. "I fail to see the connection Lupin."

"Forgive me, I'm not that great of a story teller," Remus said with an apologetic smile. "The house was one of the few places I'd been able to trace someone similar to Matt's physique and age to, that fit the _oddness_ and remoteness. R.M. were Matt's initials, and he was the only one that ever called me John."

"I see, it makes perfect sense now. Working on the assumption that it was indeed your brother, what do you suppose he was apologizing for?"

Although Snape's words may have normally been sarcastic, Remus could detect none of the usually sarcasm in Snape's tone. That in itself would have been impressive, had the subject and the question not been so raw. "That I can't answer. It could be any number of things, if it were truly Matt. The paper was left in a way that one would notice it immediately, signifying that whoever left it had wanted it to be found. If that were the case, as I believe it was indeed, then if it were Matt, it would have left it for _me_ to find. Perhaps that is what he would have meant, 'Sorry for worrying you all. Home soon with a carton of eggs and some milk and we can do twenty years of catch-up over brunch.'"

Snape raised a brow at this. "How long ago did you make this discovery exactly?"

"March of 1980."

"And you haven't discovered or heard anything else since then?"

"Another letter of the same several years ago. Since then, nothing. Searching has become harder now, now that some people recognize me."

"Was the second letter in the same place as the first or a different location? And was its contents identical to the first or did they differ?"

"Different place, same contents and placed in the same way: pinned to the door by a small penknife."

Snape's expression became thoughtful. The manner in which the letter was found disturbed him somewhat, it hardly had the appearance of being a friendly greeting full of assurance that all was well. "How many other people know of this?"

"Only you, now. Before that, just James."

Snape found himself unable to contain his surprise. Yes, he believed it prudent the that fewer people knew of this the better, however he had never imagined that he would be the sole living confidant of a man he couldn't even bring himself to be civil with most of the time. Not only that, but it appeared that even one of his closest friends, Sirius Black, was unaware of Lupin's history. "I cannot pretend that I am not somewhat shocked to hear that. Why did you never confide in your friends, and yet entrust me with this? It hardly makes much sense Lupin."

Remus sighed. "You asked so I answered; Sirius and Peter never did. It is easier to talk to you about it, as I am able to keep a sort of detachment about saying it when speaking to someone who does not care. Akin to talking about the weather or new werewolf laws in the Prophet." He laughed then. "Besides that, I suppose I trust you."

Snape nodded. "Of course, I see. I hardly need say it I suppose but I believe it would be wise for it to remain between us." His eyes were serious, and his tone equally so. He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest when Lupin confirmed that the only reason he never shared his story with his friends was that they failed to ask him about it. Snorting, he knew that this was hardly surprising; they were generally too caught up in their own affairs to care much about anyone else. Nevertheless, he was disappointed and annoyed with himself at not understanding why. The disappointment was matched only by the elation he felt as he learned of Lupin's trust in him. Snape had hardly done anything to earn or deserve it and yet he had been granted it regardless. It had been a long time since anyone had placed their trust in him so willingly, and he was oddly moved by it. So much so, that the tiniest of smiles began to creep across his lips.

Remus was nodding his head, unprivileged to Snape's inner thoughts. "I agree, although I certainly didn't mean to distract or bother you with it, so please don't think that. Anyway, I... Severus?" Remus paused, blinking at Snape. "Did I say something funny?"

Shaking his head, Snape attempted to school his features back into his customary unaffected expression. "It is no bother, Lupin. As you so kindly pointed out you were merely answering what I asked of you."

Pursing his lips, Remus wondered if he should reply to what he thought he was hearing. "I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I spoke to you merely because you asked. I should have worded that better, my apologies Severus."

Snape's stomach fluttered slightly. "You mean there is another reason?"

_In for a Knut..._ "Not another reason, no. I am not entirely foolish, regardless what you think, and would not just answer anyone's question. However, since it was you that asked, that is why I _merely_ answered."

There it was again, that flicker of a smile that Snape was fighting, unsuccessfully, to keep off his lips. "Would you like another refill?" he asked, waving his hand at Lupin's now empty goblet.

"No thank you." Remus watched Snape refill his goblet as he thought about their exchange. While surprising, it was... nice to speak to Snape. The man was highly intelligent behind his anger and bitterness. It would certainly be enjoyable to be able to converse with him... "What about you, Severus? Any siblings?"

Snape shook his head, lowering his eyes to the goblet in his hand. "No, I believe my parents thought that having one child was one too many." He smiled sardonically as he raised the glass to his lips.

Feeling as though he were on dangerous ground, more so now even than an hour ago, Remus picked his words with caution. "They weren't children people, I take it?"

Snape sneered. "No, not exactly."

"I'm sorry," he said abruptly. _Not a great childhood and not good schoolmates._ Remus sighed, feeling properly guilty. He always did around Snape.

Snape raised his eyes and looked at Lupin. "What for? My parents lack of paternal instincts is hardly your doing."

"No, but..." Remus ran a hand through his hair. "School should have been a reprieve, then."

Shrugging, Snape relaxed back into the chair. "It was." He looked closer at Lupin, the realization finally dawning on him. "Oh, I see. Now that you realize how thoroughly miserable my home life was, you feel guilty about the way you and your friends treated me. Am I correct? I do not need nor want your pity Lupin."

Remus reigned in, surprised at himself for the rise he felt in his temper. "No, Severus. I felt guilty about it long before today."

"Why? You have had no reason to give it even so much as a second thought. I certainly wouldn't have." And it was been true. Since Lupin's arrival at Hogwarts Snape had been less than accommodating, and never once had he felt even the tiniest hint of remorse. Not until today. Cursing the students under his breath, he picked a spot on the wall and gazed at it as though it had suddenly become most fascinating.

"Because it was wrong, because I do, and because I want to." Remus shrugged. "I realize it was long ago and picking at scabs just now is probably unwise of me since I've no where to hide," here he flashed a grin before continuing, "but it's something I should have said long ago."


	3. Chapter Three

A/n: Eldnia writes a wonderful Snape, and I never would have been able to pick this story off the ground if not for her. Thank you!

_...the wind that shakes the barley well it rattles in my bones. I wake up with a hunger but for what I do not know. I know somewhere it matters and there's got to be a reason why I feel this way with you... you've given me so much to believe in._

Snape could not fully describe what hearing Lupin's words did to him. For some reason he felt his skin begin to tingle, a slight warmth was beginning to rise in his cheeks. He was at a loss to explain why his pulse quickened, nervousness causing a lump to rise within his throat and thwarting any attempts of reply. He couldn't understand why he suddenly felt lighter, almost weightless as he caught a glimpse of Lupin's grin out of the corner of his eye. Instead, all he could muster was enough momentum to nod his head in acknowledgment.

Again Remus not privy to any of Snape's more private thoughts; undoubtedly Snape would have it no other way. After a few moments of silence he asked, "Are your parents still alive?"

Shaking his head, Snape turned to look at Lupin. "No. They are both dead."

"I'd offer my apologies, but I doubt they'd be wanted."

"Unnecessary Lupin. Their deaths were no particular loss. I'd wished it on them a great many times, so it was somewhat of a relief when it finally occurred."

Remus digested this quietly. Snape had no siblings, no parents. He thought perhaps Snape had a significant other, but dismissed the thought quickly. He wanted to ask more, ask more about Snape's childhood and things he had done while growing up, but Remus was more than a little afraid of opening wounds best left alone. A few more long minutes of silence passed before Remus spoke again. "What do you to when you're not teaching?"

Snape thought about this for a few moments. "I read. About potions mainly."

"What do you do for fun?"

The surprise was evident on Snape's face as his eyes widened in disbelief. Fun had never had much part in his life; he was serious to a fault and had never given much time to amusements or distractions, preferring to immerse himself in his work. "Nothing."

"_Nothing_? Nothing at all?" Remus' disbelief was plain, he couldn't believe even Snape didn't have fun on occasion. Some kind of fun, at any rate.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Snape busied himself smoothing his robes. "Well, on occasion I will give out a few extra detentions."

Remus threw his head back and laughed. "Aye, I suppose that could be fun. But that can't be all you do?"

Snape scowled at Lupin. "You may have time to waste on amusing little diversions however I generally find myself far too busy."

Remus stopped laughing but was still grinning at Snape. "That wasn't meant to be insulting, you know." He shrugged. "Perhaps I do waste too much time on frivolous amusements, but they make me happy so I continue to do so."

Snape appeared to consider this for a moment. He had never given much thought to what he would like to do before, things that would make him happy. He had been content to perform his duty as best as he could, but now the war was over, the threat he had been working to eliminate for most of his adult life gone. For the first time in his life, Snape was truly free to spend his spare time how he wished, and until this moment he had never realized that he had been continuing to live I in the past, his routine just as it was before Voldemort's defeat.

"I think..." he began, still mulling over the world of possibilities that lay before him. "I believe I would like to see the sea. I've never been to the sea side before."

"Christmas holidays are coming up. You could always take the time and go to the seaside."

Snape looked as though Lupin had just suggested that he take the time and go to the moon, rather than the couple of hours trip to the coast. "Impossible."

"Why?"

"There are things that I need to do here." Snape racked his brains to think of a plausible excuse as to why he could not go. Finally, he settled on the perfect reason, one that Lupin could not possibly argue with. "I need to be present to make your potion for one."

"Christmas break falls after the full moon, so you need not worry about that."

"I see." Snape watched, slightly in desperation as his only hope of getting out of this mess faded before his eyes. He had never been on holiday before, much less knew what to do with himself once he arrived there. "I'll consider it then." He wouldn't of course, but he hoped that this would satisfy Lupin enough to abandon the subject.

"Skye is nice, even at this time of year."

Snape said nothing, merely nodding. He told Lupin that he was going to consider it and that was as far as he was prepared to take the subject. Nevertheless, he found himself drawn to the thought of walking along the beach, watching the sunset over the horizon while sitting by a roaring fire in the evening with only a book for company. He could be totally alone with this thoughts, the students remaining at Hogwarts over the holidays nothing more than a vague memory as the days melted together in blissful isolation. "Very well. I shall go."

Hesitating, Remus finally said, "Most of the tourist hotels are closed, and those not are booked full. You're more than welcome to use my cottage if you'd prefer the solitude."

"Thank you Lupin but I do believe we can both think of other people we would prefer to spend our holidays with. Or in my case, lack thereof." Forced to spend more than thirteen hours locked in a room with Lupin was more than enough for Snape. The prospect of spending two weeks alone with him in a remote cottage did not appeal to him in the slightest.

"That won't be an issue; I have other plans and won't be home during vacation. I wouldn't force you to spend any more time in my company, Severus."

Looking up sharply, Snape fixed Lupin with a bewildered stare. "I see." He silently reproached himself for the sinking feeling of disappointment that accompanied Lupin's words. He didn't want to spend the time with Lupin in the first place so why should he care if it was Lupin's intention not to be there. "Then, thank you. I accept your offer."

"You're welcome," Remus smiled before glancing at the clock again. Eleven hours left. Enjoying their forced moment of camaraderie and not wanting to push Snape further and risk ruining it, Remus decided not to ask more questions. He reached back over to retrieve the papers and started correcting them again. Time went faster that way, and by the time he had finished, another two hours had passed. Awareness of time brought about a pang of hunger, and Remus looked up to see Snape moving about in the area of the staff room used as a small dining area.

As though feeling Remus' eyes on him, Snape turned. "Would you like something to eat?" he asked, a buttered roll in one hand and a knife in the other.

"That would be wonderful, thank you. Do you need any help?"

"I am the potions master Lupin, I think I can manage a simple snack. What would you like?" The words alone sounded harsh, but Snape's tone betrayed no sign of being so. Rather, he looked perfectly at ease, somehow the ingredients at the table making him feel as though he was back in his class brewing a potion.

"I yield to the Master; whatever you're having will be fine."

Snape smirked slightly, his hands deftly chopping tomatoes and lettuce. Filling two slices of buttered bread with the salad ingredients he finished by adding chicken smothered in a creamy mayonnaise. Cutting it in half, he arranged it on a plate and handed it to Lupin. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Certainly. Water would be nice." Remus was falling short of things to say. It was not that being civil to Snape was difficult, it was having Snape being civil to him for a period longer than five minutes that was proving somewhat tricky.

Filling a goblet with water, Snape picked up the plate holding his roll and walked back towards Lupin. Holding the goblet out to him, he smiled, causing Remus to nearly choke on his sandwich. "Is everything satisfactory?"

"Yes, it's wonderful. Thank you."

Snape retook his seat in silent and began to break apart his roll with his fingers. "Potion making is not too unlike cooking. Tell me Lupin, can you cook?"

"Perhaps surprisingly, I can. More than passably even or so I've been told."

"Yet as I recall, potions was hardly your strongest subject. Why do you suppose that was?"

"Because Professor Tugwood bored me terribly," Remus said with a grin. "I can't stand a boring teacher."

"That is hardly an excuse Lupin. You have the makings of an excellent potion maker if you only saw fit to apply yourself as you should." Filling his mouth with some of the roll, Snape chewed slowly, wondering where this sudden recognition of Lupin's abilities came from.

For what felt like the millionth time today, Snape's words surprised Remus and again he felt the need to answer cautiously. "You're correct about it being a poor excuse, of course. But it wasn't all bad. Taking notes from how Professor Tugwood was, I make sure to do the exact opposite when teaching. It seems to have worked wonderfully so far," Remus finished with a proud smile.

Snape simply nodded and took another bite of his roll. Lupin's teaching methods were not what he himself would use, and his class was very behind, but that could hardly be attributed to him. Unfortunately, there was no denying that Lupin was a very good teacher, and the students responded well to him.

"What first made you like potions so much?"

Snape contemplated this for a few, silent moments. "I believe it was the challenge. If you make the slightest mistake then the potion is ruined. Potion making requires total concentration and attention to the tiniest of details. It is a delicate process that demands the utmost respect and a high level of skill."

"So it's a perfect job for you then."

Snape raised his brow at this. "Perhaps." His words were few, but the were more than he had uttered in conversation to anyone in a long time. Surprised by how easily he found himself confiding in Lupin things that he had told no one else, Snape sighed and ran a hand through his hair. If he was truthful, he was enjoying their conversation, finding it surprisingly stimulating, and he was unable to deny that Lupin's past fascinated him greatly. He still would not say that he had any regard for the man, but his tolerance for him had significantly increased.

"What would you do if you weren't teaching potions?" Remus was honestly curious, and it was evident in his questions and tone.

Shrugging, Snape relaxed back into the chair. "I don't know. Aside from my work for the order teaching is all I have ever done."

"With your skill at potions, you could no doubt become very famous, if you wish it."

Smirking, Snape brought his eyes to meet Lupin's. "With my skill at potions I could do anything, or have anyone that I desired."

Remus laughed at this. "Famous, desirable, and rich to boot. So why haven't you done it?"

"There is very little satisfaction in achieving such things through the magic of a potion. When I attain things I like doing so knowing that it was through my skill and determination, not simply because I could brew a potion that would bestow it upon me, however challenging that potion may be."

Remus raised a brow. "That's very noble of you."

Snape resisted the urge to snort at that. "Not particularly. My reasons are entirely self serving, not because of any moral issues that I may be concerned with."

"Oh? How so?"

"I enjoy the feeling of power and control that achieving these things brings me. Knowing that I can do what so many others require additional help for, it reinforces the fact that I am superior to them." His expression twisted then, turning from the soft thoughtful expression to one full of bitterness and malice. "After a lifetime of being made to feel inferior it is rather a refreshing change."

His words, in what was clear meaning to Remus, fell heavy. Snape felt himself superior to most everyone, true. However, Remus knew he fell far below most everyone else to Snape, and in many ways. He knew he would always be the monster, but he had forgotten it for a bit; lulled in by the companionable conversation. "That makes sense," he said finally.

Snape turned on his seat, his body now facing Lupin completely. "I knew you would understand. You have been treated much the same I imagine. Has it not left you with a desire to prove yourself better than what everyone thinks of you?"

Remus bit back the sarcastic reply that had sprung to his lips and took a deep breath instead. "I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on that," he said finally. "While I have been treated much the same as you describe and even worse at times, my desire to be accepted has caused problems in the past, and is outweighed by the fact that I find joy and acceptance with myself." His lips twisted into a thin smile. "I have no desire to force anyone's view of me, partly because that would be expected from _someone like me_, and partly because if they refuse to think better of me because of what I am, then I know that will never change."

Turning back to face the wall, Snape lifted his legs and rested them on the table in front of him. He was going to be here a while so he may as well attempt to make himself as comfortable as possible. "So you never want to challenge their prejudice by forcing them too see you in a different light? Sometimes Lupin, force is the only way people will take notice of what you say."

"That was my point, though. Me forcing anyone would be expected of me, causing people's distrust to intensify. I don't want that, Severus."

"Yes, I suppose that makes sense."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Snape, surprised by the sudden end to the conversation he thought was going rather well, turned and looked at Lupin. He was looking down, playing with his hands as they sat in his lap, his expression serious. "Is there something the matter Lupin?"

"No, nothing is wrong, sorry. I was just thinking about what you said."

"And?"

"It's always interesting to have someone else's take on things."

"You seem disturbed, however." Despite Lupin's insistence that he was fine, Snape didn't believe him. The anguish was written all over his face as plain as the nose on Snape's own.

"Hardly disturbed. Thoughtful, perhaps nostalgic."

"Judging by the expression on your face Lupin the thoughts hardly give the impression of being happy ones."

"We've hardly spoken of happy subjects," Remus said with a slight smile.

This was undeniable. The trip down memory lane had not exactly been pleasing for Snape either, much less the realization that the one person he felt comfortable reliving those times with was someone he could barely tolerate. However, during the course of the course of their confinement, Snape had discovered a newfound respect for the Dark Arts Professor. "If you would prefer we can easily sit in silence for the remainder of our stay here."

Throwing a surprised glance at Snape, Remus shook his head. "No, I wouldn't prefer that. I'm sorry if I gave that impression."

"Then tell me what you were thinking about."

Snape's tone bode no argument, nor did Remus think to give any. "Fair enough. I hardly can tell when you are being your normal sarcastic and... severe self. While I have much enjoyed speaking with you, I suppose I can't help but wonder at one point you're going to remember you're disgusted by me."

"I am not disgusted by you." Snape was shocked to hear the words escape his lips, and even more so to discover that they were true. Hearing Lupin's account of how he came to be what he was, he found it harder to find it a fault. Part of him had always assumed that he had somehow brought it on himself, but this delusion was becoming more difficult to believe with every passing moment. He had been playing, was attacked savagely, and had paid dearly for it. No, Snape wasn't disgusted by Lupin and for perhaps the first time, as he brought his eyes back to meet Lupin's, Snape saw the man sitting before him, and not the beast.

Remus raised a brow, surprise again evident on his face. "I can't say I'm not surprised to hear that, for it is rather surprising, although not unwelcome."

"I assure you I am just as surprised as you are."

Remus laughed at that. "Would that put us on even footing? Perish the thought."

Scowling, Snape glared at Lupin. "Not quite." He paused, before adding, "I make better sandwiches."

Remus only laughed harder. "How would you know?"

"Simple. An expert potion maker is unbeatable in the kitchen."

"Be that as it may, I'd personally prefer to be known as better in other rooms."

Snape's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as he shifted in his seat. He was uncomfortable with where his mind went upon hearing Lupin's words, convinced that the Professor couldn't possibly mean what struck Snape. Still, he found himself somewhat curious as his eyes trailed down the lean figure from head to toe, taking in every detail. Catching himself, he shook his head and muttered something incoherent under his breath. "That may be just as well, if you are as poor in potions as I suspect you to be."


	4. Chapter Four

A/n: Eldnia writes a wonderful Snape, and I never would have been able to pick this story off the ground if not for her. Thank you!

_...the wind that shakes the barley well it rattles in my bones. I wake up with a hunger but for what I do not know. I know somewhere it matters and there's got to be a reason why I feel this way with you... you've given me so much to believe in._

'_Perhaps I should stay permanently astonished today,'_ Remus thought to himself, letting out the breath he had been holding while Snape had been surveying him. It brought a warm feeling to his stomach and a curl to his toes and he was more than a little shocked by it. It wasn't the thought of being attracted to another male, for Remus had long known he preferred his own sex, but_ Snape?_ A man that, although stated he was not disgusted by him, Remus knew did not tolerate him well. That was just asking for trouble, Remus snorted. Yet the thought stayed with him, leaving the warm feeling in the bottom of his stomach. Clearing his throat, he said, "I'm not bad at potions."

This roused Snape's curiosity as he had a vision of Lupin towering over a bubbling cauldron, hands running over ingredients, chopping them carefully, sprinkling them into the mixture as he slowly stirred. He couldn't explain why but he found this image most appealing. "You never struck me as the potions type Lupin."

"Like I said, I prefer other things." He shrugged. "Besides, we can't all be excellent at potions. I'd hate to put you out of a job."

"That would be doubtful. It is a great shame, however, to have a potential talent lay untapped." Modesty wasn't Snape's strong suit. He knew that he was one of the greatest potion makers of his generation; after all, if he wasn't his skills wouldn't be consistently called upon in capacities other than teaching. "What do you prefer then? Surely you have other interests outside your field of expertise."

"I wouldn't teach anything else other than what I do, ironic as it may be for me to do so. Other than that, I too enjoy reading, occasionally drawing and, believe it or not, cooking."

"On the contrary, what better person to teach a subject that someone who has first hand knowledge of what they are teaching."

"Be that as it may, it's still no less than ironic to teach people how to disarm and kill people such as myself."

Snape shrugged. "No more so than my teaching students how to brew potions that would render me as incapable as any other witch or wizard, should the unlikely event of my actually taking one arise."

"Depending on the student, I can certainly see how that would be an issue," Remus said, only half teasing.

"Yes, well, Longbottom was particularly dangerous. Consider yourself lucky Lupin you only have to teach him how to defend himself against the Dark Arts. I am lucky I still have a dungeon to teach in."

Remus wondered if Snape was thinking about the same incident from several years past. Indeed, it was not something one could easily forget. "Potions was not Neville's strong suit, no."

"Does Longbottom even have a strong suit?" Snape shook his head. The boy was a menace to the magical community. "Admittedly, his progress was noteworthy under your tutelage."

Remus had already said to himself he would stop being surprised by Snape today, but he was failing miserably again. "Muggle Studies," he said abruptly. "If I wasn't teaching Defense, I'd want to teach Muggle Studies."

Surprised by the sudden change in topic, Snape gazed at Lupin for a few moments in obvious bewilderment. Snape knew that Lupin was somewhat modest and unassuming but he had never realized before how difficult he found accepting even the smallest degree of praise. Of course, perhaps it was the person doing the praising that he had the problem with, not the act itself. Mentally shrugging, he decided that it was of no consequence. "Why?"

"Partly for the same reasons as Defense. I know well what I would be teaching. Partly because it is so challenging. Living as Muggles do? It's not easy," Remus said.

"I see." Of course, Snape didn't see at all; a man with Lupin's talents, explaining to a class full of students what some odd artifact was and how it is used in the muggle world? It would be an extraordinary waste

"If I recall correctly, you didn't care much for Muggle Studies as a student. I take it nothing has changed?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. He was more than a little surprised that Lupin would recall such a detail. "No, I didn't. Although a certain degree of understanding is required so that we can co-exist without upsetting the delicate balance of our worlds, much of what was taught was irrelevant and useless."

"Irrelevant, perhaps, but you didn't find any of it all fascinating?"

"What I found fascinating was their unbelievable capacity to spend ridiculous amounts of time on creating objects to do the simplest of tasks when it would be quicker for them to just to it themselves. Muggles really are incredibly lazy."

"How do you suppose making a machine to do something or using magic to do the same is any different?"

"Simple. Magic still requires some level of skill. One could argue that so does learning to use one of those contraptions, but magic is an almost an art form. It takes style, grace and of course the talent. The same can't be said for a the ability to use a machine."

"It seems to vary by 'machine', much the way it does by spell. Certain spells require a higher level of skill, much the same as certain machines require more skill than others do. I can think of one in particular that's been very helpful to me, and might interest you greatly. Of course, the skill level required to use it is rather steep."

Not one to refuse a challenge, Lupin had used just the correct method of bait to arouse Snape's interest in Muggle contraptions. "Indeed. And what would that be?" He was, of course, doubtful that it would prove too difficult for him to master in a short period, but it would not hurt, he supposed, to try.

"It's a sort of machine that allows Muggles to communicate with other Muggles that have the same machine. Communication and problem solving seem to be the main features, and although it allows a doorway into almost unlimited knowledge, few seem to use it for such."

Nodding slowly, Snape mulled over this information. "I see. So what makes it so complicated to use?"

"The comparative intelligence from human to machine, or the varying lack of intelligence from human to human."

"Does this machine have a name? I take it you have used one before?"

Remus nodded. "Computer, and yes I have. It's easier to use than to try and speak to people in our world."

"Computer..." Snape repeated slowly. It was rather an odd word for a machine, coarse and almost clinical. "Well of course, anyone can say that a Muggle artifact is complicated to use if they have no way of proving it." Not that he doubted Lupin's word, but Severus Snape had a very difficult time believing that anything in the Muggle world was so complicated that it was beyond his comprehension.

"I have one at the cottage you'll be staying at... but I am hesitant to give free reign on it," Remus chuckled. "A computer can't be bullied into cooperation by threats or harsh words."

"If you are suggesting Professor that I have neither the intelligence or the skill to operate this...thing, I think you will find you are very much mistaken." He paused, "However, if you would prefer that I did not interfere with it that is your prerogative. After all, I would hate to break one of your little toys."

"I am suggesting no such thing, Severus. I was merely pointing out you would actually have to learn to manage it instead of bullying it into managing you," Remus said, grin present again. "I mentioned it because I do believe you'd enjoy the high amounts of information to be commanded. It's fascinating how much they hit upon small things in our world, and yet never quite manage to pull it together."

"Muggles are stupid and self involved. They think they are superior to everyone else so it is hardly surprising that they do not consider the possibility that there is another world out there, co existing with their own where the things they only imagine possible in their dreams are actually a reality."

"That is true. Much of the same could be said for a good amount of the wizards I know as well."

"Indeed." Snape nodded curtly. "So..." he began, anxious to change the subject. He did not particularly feel comfortable with the path that it was taking. "What exactly did you have planned for the holidays?"

"A two day visit to Pitlochry and then Christmas and Hogmany with a friend."

"Anyone we know?" Snape tried to keep his tone unaffected, not liking the pang of jealousy that stabbed his chest, making it slightly hard to breathe.

"No, I don't believe so. You know, Severus, you're more than welcome to investigate the computer at the cottage if you promise me not to melt or otherwise break it," Remus was quick to change the subject, not wanting further questioning on who he would be spending his break with. Snape did not need more reasons to dislike Remus.

Snape looked amused. Lupin's haste to change the subject had not gone unnoticed, but he decided not to press the matter. What he did in his spare time and whom he did it with was entirely his affair, although Snape found himself recalling Lupin's comment from before, and his face flushed slightly at the memory of how he felt. He wondered then if Lupin was keen to keep his friend a secret because there was more than just friendship. Snape had never even considered the possibility that Lupin may have a partner, and he felt a sudden pang of longing as he realized just how alone he really was. The events of the day had opened up a new world to him; one where he had someone to confide in, converse with, perhaps even forge friendship with, although it really was too soon to say that at this at this stage. As anxious as he had been for the door to open earlier, he now found himself dreading the moment when it did, fearing that as they left the room they would also be leaving behind the moments of companionship they had shared. He cleared his throat, trying to force his mind away from the thoughts that has begun to fill him with something very like sadness, much to his annoyance. "Very well, you have my word."

"I have a book with information about it. If you'd like I can bring it by tomorrow?"

Tomorrow... Snape sat there in silence for a few moments, unable to get the words to form on his lips. Was this not what he had wanted? Had he not feared that their forced camaraderie would end as soon as the door re-opened? Yet, here Lupin was, with something that looked very much like an offer of its continuance. Blinking several times, trying to snap him self out of the shock that he had so unexpectedly fallen into he nodded. "Thank you Lupin."

"Nine hours left, Severus. It doesn't seem like very long does it? But I would love a cup of tea and a hot shower right about now instead of waiting."

Snape glanced at the clock briefly. The past couple of hours had flown by, he had hardly noticed the passing minutes. Standing, he bend down placing his hands on his knees and stretched his legs. He was not used to sitting for so long and his legs had become somewhat numb lying motionless while they conversed. "I'm sure I saw some tea in the cupboard." Straightening he strode over to the table, removing his robe and tossing it on the spare chair as he did so, Remus' eyes following his actions. "Yes, they appear to have several kinds. Which would you prefer?"

Remus figured now was as good a time as any to pull up that legendary Gryffindor courage, and knock two problems out at once. Standing, he too stretched out his legs before walking to stand behind Snape. Pretending to consider the tea options, Remus instead considered Snape. Now that the man wasn't wearing those thick robes, Remus was able to study his body easier. It was nice, there was no denying that, but Remus noted he didn't feel the quick pull he had earlier. That was good, he nodded to himself.

Snape found himself having to catch his breath as Lupin edged ever closer to him. For reasons he couldn't explain, he felt his pulse quicken as he felt the other man's breath on the back of his neck. Something deep within him awoke, and despite his best efforts, he could not control the sudden rush of blood to his head that was pounding loudly in his ears. If he could not feel calm with this uncharacteristic rush of excitement, then he would certainly at least maintain the façade of being so. "Do you see anything you like?"

Two seconds ago Remus would have answered no and felt he was being truthful. There was no pull, no sexual charge, nothing there but a small waxing state of like for Snape's intelligent conversation. Then Snape had turned around and looked Remus in the eye any calm Remus had felt was gone, replaced by attraction so strong that Remus had to force himself to look away from Snape and into the cupboard before he did something incredibly stupid. "I suppose there's nothing more interesting than plain old black tea in here, is there."

Snape shook his head, unable to stop his eyes trailing from Lupin's own to the pair of soft lips that were slightly parted, and looking alarmingly inviting. Closing his eyes, he screwed his face up slightly, trying to regain some of his composure, but instead he was met with an image of him turning more fully towards Lupin, and tentatively, brushing his own lips against those he had closed his eyes to forget. Growling softly, he took a step back, and turned so that he was now facing the cupboard, gripping the edge of the table for balance. What was going on? Confused, he silently reached into the cupboard, intending to busy himself with making tea and surprised to find that his hands were trembling. "I'm afraid not," came his rushed reply, walking briskly back towards the chair, desperate to put space between them, tea all but forgotten.

All the while Remus stood perfectly still, willing himself to not even breathe. He had not missed the way Snape's eyes had drifted to his lips, nor had his missed the growl of dissatisfaction from Snape after. It was interesting, to say the least, that Snape might have felt the same charge he had. Interesting, and at least now he knew where he stood in regards to his own feelings. Not that he hadn't before, but he was grateful for Snape jolting him back to reality before he had possibly done something stupid. Perhaps he _didn't _disgust Snape, but disgusted and wanting to fuck were two very different things. Reaching into the cupboard, Remus pulled out a canister marked 'Tea'. "Did you want tea, Severus?"

"No thank you." Snape's voice was forced, as he busied himself flicking through one of the other magazines on the table he hadn't poured over yet.

Stupidly pained at Snape's harsh tone, Remus took longer than normal to make his tea before returning to his seat. Sitting down, he cupped the mug in his hands for warmth before staring off, involved in his thoughts.

The awkwardness was more than apparent. It hung in the air like a thick blanket and Snape felt sure that he would suffocate if he didn't do something to alleviate it and soon. "You seem troubled Lupin."

There was no way even Remus was going to answer that honestly. "Just a bit cold," he said finally. That at least was partly true. He felt cold, both physically and a little bit emotionally.

Waving his wand in the direction of his robes, he floated them towards Lupin, laying them on his lap. "Those may help." Lowering his eyes, he focused his attention back on the magazine he was holding.

The robes were indeed warm, but it was more than that that caused Remus to feel less cold. He was a deeply romantical person in the truest sense of the word, and the kindness, intentional or misleading, warmed his heart. "Thank you."

Snape smiled. "You're welcome." It bothered him that Lupin seemed disturbed, and although he respected his decision not to discuss what was on his mind, he did feel surprisingly hurt. He had thought that after their previous conversations that they would be able to be honest with one another. Mind you, had Lupin asked him what was on his mind a few moments before he couldn't be certain he would have answered truthfully, so perhaps that was fair.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Lupin continuing to stare at the wall, a distant look in his eye, Snape flicking through the pages of yet another ridiculous magazine before finally sighing and throwing it back on the table. "What is Skye like Lupin?" Snape was more than a little curious to know about where he was going to spend his holiday. He had idealized visions of tranquil surroundings and nights by a log fire, but he had no idea if these reflected any part of the reality; and Snape hated being disappointed.

Remus risked a glance at Snape before speaking. "Cold at this time of year," he laughed softly. "It's very old, very beautiful. You can see the mountains from the seashore, and visit both within an hour if you so prefer. There's much history there, it's a very mystic place."

"It sounds almost too good to be true."

"I love my home there, I have for a very long time, so perhaps I speak with a bit of bias. You might find it fits your tastes differently?"

"I am sure that it will suit me fine." Snape looked up then, and smiled. "Thank you for your hospitality in allowing me to make use of your home."

No, surprised wasn't going to cut it this time. Remus was fully blown away. "You're quite welcome."

Feeling the tension alleviate somewhat, Snape couldn't resist the grin that was tugging at the corners of his lips. Laughing gently, he shook his head. "If someone had told me yesterday that I would be spending the holidays in your home I would have packed them off to St. Mungo's certain that they had been affected by some terrible curse. Extraordinary how events transpire."

To that Remus threw his head back and laughed. "Aye, rather staggering indeed."

His face becoming serious once more, Snape fixed Lupin with a fervent gaze. "The encounter hasn't been wholly unpleasant."

"You have no idea how surprising it is for me to hear you say that," Remus said honestly.

Snape shook his head. "I believe I do. You thought I hated you, and in fact I believed that also. I assure you it is just as surprising for me to hear myself say it, and mean it, as it is for you to hear it, Remus."

He could barely believe the words as they were flowing through his lips, almost as though someone else were saying them instead of him; however Snape knew them to be true. In the course of the day, he had gone from being trapped in a room with a man he despised, to dreading the opening of the door and having to walk away from a man he was finding himself increasingly attracted too. It was ironic, that the only person to incite the feelings of longing and passion within him was a man whom he has spent the best part of his life believing he hated.

Remus did not know what to say. He knew, of course, that this sudden attraction to Snape was foolish and no amount of talk from Snape would change that, but it would be nice to have a _friend_. "Saying thank you seems trite and hardly meaningful, but I'm glad."

"Good. Now perhaps you wouldn't mind making me some tea."

Eyes wide, Remus stared at Snape for only a minute before laughing again. "As you command, sir." Still laughing, he stood and on the way to the kitchenette, dropped Snape's robes back on his lap. Making the tea faster than he had the previous time, he returned to where Snape was sitting and decided it was wiser to place the cup on the table next to the man than it would be to try and hand it to him. "I do hope that meets your standards, sir."

The aroma of sandalwood and musk combined with the sweetness of chocolate that now scented his robes did not go unnoticed by Snape. Again, he felt the familiar stirring in his stomach, the butterflies fluttering around as he struggled to keep his breathing even. "Thank you, I am sure it will be fine."

Sitting down in his own chair again, Remus studied Snape for a minute. "The beach will be too cold for much walking over the holidays. Any idea what you'll want to do?"

Snape shrugged. "The cold hardly bothers me at all so that won't be much of an issue. Otherwise I'll read, perhaps take a few supplies and work on some potions."

Remus wrinkled his nose. "Surely you plan on going out some? Having a little bit of fun?"

Sighing, Snape laid his tea back down on the tabletop. "Is the thought of my enjoying being alone reading and brewing potions so very difficult to grasp?"

"No, I suppose not. My apologies."

"You have to understand Lupin, my work is my life. It is the way that is has always been. I have never had much time for fun, and so I learned to enjoy what I had to spend my time doing. I simply cannot imagine doing anything else, and quite frankly if I had to I have no idea where I would even begin to think of it."

Taking a moment to let Snape's words sink it, Remus wondered of there was more to what Snape was saying, or if his imagination was working too hard. "That is understandable, Severus. Again, I apologize."

"Lupin, you really need to stop apologizing for everything."

"I'm s..." Remus checked himself. "Okay."

Smirking, Snape took another sip of his tea; thinking in passing that it really was rather good. Perhaps there was some truth in Lupin being a proficient cook after all. "Is it always so easy to have you agree to do things, or are you simply humoring me?"

"Perhaps a little of both?" Remus laughed. "It's not like you've asked for blood, so there's no problem in bending a little. I much prefer how we've spend today than how we've spend all previous days together. Why ruin it?"

There was no denying that. While Snape had always thought to gain pleasure from belittling and criticizing Lupin in the past, he had come to discover that it paled in comparison to the mostly comfortable companionship that they had shared during their confinement. "Thank you." He said quietly, his words were barely more than a whisper.

Remus smiled his welcome over his cup, more pleased than words could truly say. "So now what, Professor. We've only a few hours left. Anything else you'd like to ask? Or perhaps order me to do?" He chuckled.

Snape's eyes twinkled mischievously as he contemplated all the things he would like to order Lupin to do. Some of which came as a total surprise to even him, none of them being particularly appropriate. They were washed quickly from his mind, however, as the approaching end of his imprisonment with Lupin loomed like a shadow over him. "Why did you let them do it? All those years, you saw what they did to me and you said nothing; did nothing. You know what it is like to be alone, an outsider looking into a world that you want to be part of but are never accepted as, and yet you went along with them." His voice was soft, no trace of the bitterness he had carried with him for years left as eyes filled with pain rested on Lupin's own.


	5. Chapter Five

Remus had thought Snape might question him more about Skye, or Remus' so-called lack of cooking skills, but not this. Regardless, Remus spoke without hesitation. "No." He shook his head to emphasize his words. "I never went along with it. Lily and I both would often try to dissuade Sirius, and often James, to stop being pratts. I know that I should have done more, although I know they would not have listen to me. I don't know. James might have, but I know Sirius would not have. The hatred between you and Sirius was well known, and often I wonder how much that fueled events. Perhaps I sounded facetious earlier, but I meant what I said. It's too little, too late, but I am sorry."

Genuinely surprised, Snape's eyes narrowed. He had no idea that Lupin had ever spoken out to Potter and Black regarding their treatment of him, and he couldn't thwart the sudden and unexpected stab of guilt that pierced him as he thought of how he had treated Lupin all these years, believing that he was as guilty of tormenting him as the others.

Heaving a sigh, he ran a hand down his face. "I am not looking for apologies Lupin as I believe I have paid you back more than ten fold since then For you to apologize would mean that I would be obligated to do so, and I'm not about to do that." He was smirking; the importance of Lupin's words not lost on him, but desiring to lighten the mood, even a little, all the same.

Snape's words did not overly surprise Remus; he knew long ago that he was guilty by association in Snape's eyes. Remus did wonder what Snape would think of to apologize for. Outing him to the wizarding world? Costing him work and hardship wherever he went? Not wanting to press the issue now and risk what Remus hoped could be a possible friendship, he said nothing about either. "Perhaps we should leave this conversation to another time?"

Snape simply nodded. "As you wish."

Remus wasn't sure what else to say now, so he sat back in his chair and thought. Today was turning into quite a remarkable day, all said and done.

Stifling a yawn, Snape picked a spot on the wall and stared at it, as though it displayed some work of wonder that only he could see.

They sat in silence for some time, until finally the incessant grumbling of Snape's stomach told him that it was fast approaching dinnertime. He looked towards Lupin, who was sitting in his chair, legs curled beneath him, deep in thought. Standing, he slowly made his way towards the kitchen area and began to rummage though through the cupboards for anything that he may be able to make a meal out of. Snatching the remainder of the chicken that had been left over from lunch, he grabbed the nearest pot and filled it with a thick white sauce that came pouring out of the tip of his wand. Popping the chicken in, he warmed it with a quick spell as he set about to find an accompaniment. The supplies were scarce, only meant for quick snacks as most of the food preparation came from the main kitchens, however after some time he did manage to find some rice, which he cooked quickly, serving it a few moment later.

"I thought you may be hungry so I..." He made his way back towards the seating area to find that Lupin had fallen asleep. Smiling to himself, Snape thought how peaceful he looked. Padding softly, he quietly placed the meal on the table, walking towards where Lupin sat, and knelt down beside the chair. Hair had fallen about the sleeping man's eyes, and Snape had to resist the urge to brush it away, settling instead for giving his arm a gentle shake. "Lupin?"

Remus woke at once, sitting straight up. "Is something wrong?"

Snape laughed, shaking his head as he did so. "No, I just made you some dinner." Grabbing the plate, he handed it to Lupin. "Supplies are somewhat scare so it is again only chicken but it should help keep hunger at bay until we get out of here."

Remus accepted the plate, sitting up as he did so. "It's bad luck to wake a man when he's sleeping."

Straightening, Snape looked down at Lupin, amusement evident on his face. "Is that so? Why exactly would that be?"

"I have no idea why to be honest. It is a superstition, you know, so it seemed fitting to say. Of course, I sleep with my wand near my hand, so perhaps it makes some sense?" He laughed.

"Then maybe I should consider myself lucky not to have been on the receiving end of a particularly nasty spell. Should the occasion ever arise again I shall know to be more careful."

Not awake enough to stem the flood of images that Snape's statement had brought, Remus did not say anything else, silently berating himself for such foolish thoughts. He turned his attention to the plate instead, and silently ate.

Snape sat and quietly pushed the food around on his plate, hunger leaving him as quickly as it had arrived, he suddenly found that he no longer had any appetite. "Is everything satisfactory?"

"Very much so, thank you."

Nodding in reply, Snape continued playing with his food in silence.

"You're not eating very much," Remus observed. "Perhaps you poisoned the food?" The teasing was evident in his voice.

Snape half smiled in reply. "I seem to have lost my appetite."

Remus' smile turned into frown at Snape's words. "Is something wrong?"

He contemplated telling Lupin the truth then, for all of a moment. What the truth was, exactly, was as much of a mystery to Snape as it was to Lupin. All he knew was in that brief moment while Lupin slept, he had felt a degree of intimacy that he had never experienced before, and it had left him craving for more. Forcing himself to swallow a morsel of chicken, he shook his head. "No, everything is fine."

Remus returned his attention to the food, his expression thoughtful. It wasn't so odd for him to befriend someone. Remus had a way about him that made people wish to know him better, to want to be his friend. As long as they did not know about his curse, things were okay. But Snape... Snape had spent the better half of his life ridiculing Remus, and while Remus realized this was in part due to Sirius, it still left him slightly unbelieving that Snape could want a friendship with him, or even speak with him in a decent manner. As he ate, he watched Snape from under lidded eyes. It was then that a thought occurred to him. Snape had no one he was friendly with, no one he could speak to about potions or what his life had been like for the past twenty years, or even what he had done that day. It was an incredibly lonely thought, and one Remus often considered for himself. Snape was probably too proud to strike up a friendship with anyone; he would have no cause so, Remus figured Snape would say. However here, today in this locked room, he had been forced to be civil, if for nothing else, to alleviate his boredom and apparently Snape _had_ truly enjoyed it. Remus certainly could not find fault with that, and even more, it pleased him.

Remus tilted his head at Snape. "What is your favourite potion to make?"

Snape flushed slightly at the question. No one had ever asked him that before and as he thought of the answer his cheeks reddened even more as he realized what that potion was. "The Wolfsbane Potion," he said quickly, shoveling some more chicken into this mouth in a vain attempt to act unaffected by the admission.

Remus wasn't surprised by the answer, nor was he surprised Snape had been honest about it. "Aye, it's an extremely difficult potion to make. The more challenge in the making of a potion the better, then?"

"Yes. There is no pleasure in brewing a potion that you can make with your eyes closed. The Wolfsbane, although becoming somewhat routine, still requires a great deal of concentration and care."

"I see," Remus said softly. "I am glad to hear you do enjoy making the potion itself, for I've often felt bad for taking up so much of your time."

"I know." It was the truth. Snape had gone out of his way to make sure that Lupin had thought that making the potion was troublesome to him, doing whatever he could to ensure that the man felt badly for keeping Snape busy; all the while he reveled in the potion making process. He couldn't even begin to form the words of apology that came to his mind, no matter how desperately he felt the need to speak them.

"Has there ever been a potion you couldn't make?"

Snape laughed somewhat at this. "No, there hasn't been. Not that I have encountered thus far anyway." He knew it sounded arrogant, but it was the truth.

Remus raised a brow. "You're that good, then?" He did not doubt Snape's ability, but it was amusing all the same.

"Yes." Looking up at Lupin for the first time since he had retaken his seat, he noted the expression his companion was wearing. Fixing him with a penetrating gaze, he narrowed his eyes. "Why do you find this amusing?"

Realizing very quickly that he would have to be careful around Snape, Remus said, "Because I'm happy? It is interesting to speak with someone and have intelligent conversation and to learn new things."

Still not entirely convinced, Snape laid his plate down upon the table. "Yes, admittedly the experience has been more enjoyable than I expected it to be."

"And what exactly did you expect it to be like?"

"Infuriating mainly, with long periods of boredom."

"And was it at all?"

He had been honest, mostly, for the entire afternoon so Snape saw no reason not to be so now. "Yes, at the beginning."

"I'd have to agree with that," Remus laughed. "What changed it for you?"

Snape considered this for several long moments, trying hard to pinpoint the exact moment when his opinion of Lupin changed and finding himself annoyingly not being able to. "I am not entirely sure. I think perhaps hearing your story. It was not...well, it was not what I expected."

"What, exactly, _did_ you expect?"

Wincing slightly, Snape was reluctant to answer, but knew that Lupin at least deserved some sort of explanation. "A story of a young boy showing off; trying to be a hero and ending up paying the price for his stupidity I suppose."

The explanation sounded very much like Remus expected it to, given that Snape tended to think that of several people he had known and held in no certain regard.

Snape noted Lupin's silence and found that it made him feel most uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if his admission had upset or affected him in any way. Finally, after several long minutes, he managed to softly utter the words he had tried to speak so many times that day. "My apologies."

Remus was not sure what to say to that, partly because he had never expected to hear it from Snape, and partly because all he could think of to do in reply was walk over, pin Snape against the wall and kiss him until he couldn't talk. Which would be a fine way to ruin the day and any chance of having a friendship with Snape. Clearing his mind of thoughts he knew would only lead to trouble, he instead said, "Thank you Severus."

Lupin had always called Snape by his given name, and it had never affected him much in the past, mainly because he ignored it. However as it passed his lips this last time, Snape felt a shiver go down his spine. It was like liquid silk to his ears, penetrating every pore of his body and coursing through his veins, causing his heart to swell and his hands to tremble with a sudden rush of adrenaline. "No Remus, it is I who should be thanking you."

"Whatever for?"

"For defending me, even when I thought ill of you. For being courteous to me even when I went out of my way to discredit and belittle you; for offering your hand in friendship, despite my numerous callous and snide remarks. I could go on if you wish?"

"I'm afraid you'd kill me by shock if you did." Remus wanted to call the words back as soon as he had said them, but it was the truth. "You are more than welcome, of course, but Severus, you shouldn't have to thank me for treating you as such. It's no less than you or anyone else deserves."

No one had ever said, or even implied, that Snape deserved to be treated with any sort of decency before. Yes, as a Professor of the school, the students were required to show him some measure of respect, but it was forced, not given willingly. He knew very well what the other Professors and the students thought of him, and admittedly, he had brought it largely on himself. It just made Lupin's declaration even more surprising and astonishingly important to him.

"All the same, I'm grateful."

"You're a surprising man Severus," Remus said, meaning every word.

"Most people have the ability to surprise those who do not know them."

"Touché. Does that mean that perhaps I'll be allowed the chance to not be so surprised by you?"

Snape looked up, astonishment evident on his pallor features. "If you wish it."

Remus nodded. "I do."

Smiling, Snape cocked his head to one side, the happiness plain for Lupin to see in his eyes. "Very well then."

Remus could have very well said that Snape must be very hard up for a friend, if he were willing to befriend a werewolf after only a day's worth of conversation and be _glad_ for it. Remus would have preferred not to say that, let alone think it, but he supposed time would tell. And for that, he was grateful. "So tell me then. Do you plan on staying at the school, teaching, for the rest of your career?"

Without hesitation, Snape nodded. "Of course. What else would I do?"

"I am not sure. You are free of all that was required of you for so long, are you not? I would imagine that would open many doors for you to do as you wished."

That was true. Snape had a world of opportunities available to him, all there for the taking, if he desired it. As Lupin had pointed out earlier in the day, with his prowess in potion making the possibilities were limitless. He could be rich, successful, even liked, but it would all amount to nothing if it were due to nothing more than the bewitching properties of a potion he had brewed.

"I shall need to think about it a little more." He said finally.

Remus simply smiled as he got to his feet and moved towards the table, busying himself making more tea. Snape observed silently, catching his breath as he caught a faint whiff of that sandalwood, musk and chocolate aroma as Lupin passed him.

"This friend you are spending the holidays with, have you known them long?"

"A few years." He turned back, pouring the water. "Did you want tea, Severus?"

"Tea would be nice, thank you." Snape waited until Lupin returned, and placed his cup on the table before him rather than hand it to him directly. This struck Snape was somewhat odd, but he put it out of his mind, thinking that perhaps the cup was hot and Lupin didn't want him to burn his hand himself due to his occupying of the handle.

"Do you usually spend Christmas together?" He asked as much out of curiosity as for grasping at anything to prevent the silence from commanding again.

"No, this is our first year together," Remus said, sitting.

"Oh, I see." Snape felt his heart sink. The possibility of Lupin being in a relationship had occurred to him earlier and this only seemed to lend credence to that theory. Why it affected him so much he couldn't tell, he only knew that it did. The thought of Lupin being with someone else, touching someone else; the thought of him looking into their eyes and laughing, of pulling them close to him as he ran his fingers through their hair. It _hurt_ Snape. Suddenly feeling quite sick, he stood quickly and moved to the basin in the corner of the room.

Remus followed Snape with his eyes, puzzled. "I normally decorate the cottage for the holidays, but I haven't had time this year. You're more than welcome to do so, if you wish."

Running some cold water into the basin, Snape splashed his face several times, taking several deep breaths as he did so. The twisted knot in his stomach was only getting larger rather than alleviating with his attempts to calm down. Silently he reproached himself. For what, he wondered. Was it for showing signs of weakness, or perhaps for allowing himself to indulge in thoughts of Lupin that weren't, strictly speaking, of a friendly nature? Regardless of the reason he was angry. Angry that he had allowed his emotions to become so unhinged, that he had allowed himself to become so attached to someone in such a short space of time, knowing relatively nothing about them.

"No, I don't believe decorations will be necessary, Lupin." His tone was harsher than he had meant it to be, after all it was hardly Lupin's fault that he was... Was what exactly? Sighing, he dried his face quickly, remaining in the corner, his back to Lupin.

For his part, Remus was unsure what he had done wrong, he only knew that Snape sounded upset with him again. "Severus? Is something the matter?"

Forcing his lips into a half smile, he turned, fighting to keep his voice as unaffected as possible. "No, everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be?"

Remus was far from convinced. He had spent a long time on the other end of that harsh voice to not know better. "I thought perhaps my question about the decorations had offended you. I didn't think to ask if you celebrated any particular holiday."

"The holidays are nothing more than a chance for me to finally get some relief from the mind numbing chatter and idiotic attempts at assignments from the majority of the students in this school."

Something was definitely wrong. "I hope it works for you." Remus wrinkled his nose at himself for that remark; it was lame, although true. He just wasn't sure how to react or what to say, or what was bothering Snape.

"I am sure it will. Two weeks with no interruptions, no one that I need to make idle chit chat with. I would be a wonder if at the end of it I can bring myself to return to this school." He took a few steps towards Lupin then, placing his hands on the top of the worn chair in front of him for balance.

"You asked me earlier what I would do if I wasn't teaching. I do believe I have an answer for you now. I would leave. I would go somewhere distant and remote where no one would bother me with trifling little matters that are of no consequence to me. I would live out my days in quiet solitude, unaffected by everyone and everything. Yes, that would suit me very well indeed."

"Then perhaps that's what you should do if it would make you happy," Remus said, slightly stung by Snape's words. He curled his legs back up under him, and glanced at the clock. "You may start now if you'd like. We have three hours left here, might as well use them to sleep."

Straightening, Snape looked Lupin in the eye for several moments before moving to take a seat. "Very well." Stretching his legs out in front of him, he closed his eyes.

He had only meant to close them for a moment, but apparently, Snape was more tired than he had realized. He was woken by something shaking at his arm. Opening his eyes, he squinted and as he refocused, he could see Dumbledore standing before him. "Apologies for not being able to release you sooner, Severus, but as I am sure Professor Lupin explained to you, any attempts to tamper with the spell would only cause it to reset." He smiled warmly. "At any rate you are free to go."

Standing, Snape looked about the room, his eyes seeking out Lupin. Eventually he spotted him at the door, waiting to leave. "Thank you Headmaster," said Snape, somewhat distracted as he took his leave and walked towards Lupin.

"Lupin..." he began. Wincing slightly at the memory of how he had spoken to him before he fell asleep, Snape wanted to apologize, knowing that his reaction was not Lupin's fault, but he couldn't find the words. "I trust I will see you tomorrow? You are still coming by with that book are you not?"

"Certainly, as long as it won't conflict with your solitude."

Snape tried to act as though the words didn't hurt him, although he knew that it was no less than he deserved. It was so unlike Lupin to resort to sarcasm, leaving little doubt of his being upset with what Snape had said. "Sarcasm doesn't become you Lupin, nor are you particularly good at it. I suggest that you stick to what you do best."

"I'd certainly like to Severus, but I'm quite afraid you wouldn't be amenable to it." He stepped around Snape, toward the waiting Headmaster. He paused for a moment and tilted his head back. "I'll be by with the book after lunch if that will be okay with you?"

"That will be fine." Lupin's parting words puzzled him. Exactly what was it that he wouldn't be amenable to? Could he perhaps be referring to his transformation? Maybe he still thought that he disgusted Snape by what he became. Or possibly he was talking about something else entirely. He had hinted of his prowess in other rooms, perhaps he was goading Snape, knowing somehow that the thought of him with another person hurt and upset him. He turned to ask Remus, but he was talking to Dumbledore. It would have to wait, and as Snape left the room that had been his prison, he couldn't help but feel saddened by the fact that on return to his chambers he would be welcomed by nothing but silence.


	6. Chapter Six

Snape awoke early the next morning after a night that had not brought much sleep his way. He had tossed and turned most of the night, unable to stop the questions from running through his mind. It was if a dam had suddenly burst. Twenty-four hours ago, he had been content. He knew where he was, what he was doing, and what he thought, and now everything seemed to have been turned on its head. He could not remember ever feeling so confused and disorientated.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he padded softly to the bathroom where he showered quickly and changed into some fresh clothes. No matter what he did, he could not get the smell of Lupin to leave his nostrils. He smelt him everywhere and on every thing, his laughter ringing in his ears as clear as it had while they were talking.

Talking. It was had been unusual experience for Snape. He had told Lupin things he had never dared share with anyone, things of his past. Perhaps it was because he knew that he had Lupin's trust, however undeserving he was of it. For the first time in his life he had felt some sort of bond of friendship, but it was more than that.

Snape had found himself attracted to him. For the first time in his life he had been attracted to someone. It was embarrassing to admit, even to himself, but he had never been with anyone before. Not through lack of opportunity, but no one had ever incited those feelings of longing and passion in him before. He demanded satisfaction, and to have a mindless encounter simply because it was expected for people his age to have done so several times already would have left him disappointed, and Severus Snape hated to be disappointed.

Lupin was different, however. He listened to him when he talked, really listened, not just pretending to hear the words while nodding in all the correct places. When his eyes were upon him, he could feel his skin warm under their gaze, almost as if they were breathing life into the shell of a man that he had become. He had made him feel alive for the first time in his memory, and then he had gone and ruined it all.

Heading out of his chambers towards the Great Hall for breakfast, Snape cursed himself under his breath for his behavior the previous evening. It was unfair of him to take his displeasure out on Lupin for having someone in his life. After all, Snape hadn't realized until a few hours previously that he even liked Lupin, let alone was attracted to the man. He would just have to get used to it. The most he could hope for at this stage was that the offer of friendship was still available, not that Snape would blame him if he revoked it. Having that brief taste make him realize that he wanted more.

Arriving at the Great Hall, he took his seat at the Teacher's Table, patiently waiting, and hoping that Lupin would appear. Even if they didn't talk, he knew he would feel slightly better just for seeing him.

Having slept somewhat decent the night before, Remus was ready to begin his Saturday and was most interested in seeing Snape. The longer he thought about it, the more he thought perhaps he had misjudged what Snape had said. Besides, who was he to judge whether Snape wanted to spend the rest of his life, alone? Remus ignored the twinge of hurt that made him feel and made his way to the Great Hall. Perhaps Snape had been correct, but he really did enjoy having people like him. It was not a good trait and Remus knew this, but some things you just cannot help but feel.

Like how he couldn't help but feel the urge to kiss Snape as soon as he saw him. Snape's expression was unreadable but Remus ignored it and sat down next to him at the table. "Good Morning, Severus."

Snape's stomach flipped as he caught sight of Lupin. Forcing himself to keep his expression unaffected, he nodded at him as he took his seat next to him. "Good Morning, Lupin."

"Feel better, being free?" Remus asked, chuckling.

Oddly, Snape didn't. Part of him longed to be back in that room, knowing that he faced hours alone with Lupin. The only thing facing him now was the prospect of watching Lupin as he walked away from him following breakfast. "Yes, thank you." After a few moments silence, he asked awkwardly, "And you?"

Remus glanced at Snape as he buttered his roll. "I suppose. I have issues with being caged up; I don't like it. And it was nice to be able to shower as I wished," he grinned again.

Snape should have realized that it was a completely stupid thing to ask. Of course Lupin would have a problem being locked up on a room for hours on end with no way of escaping. "Yes, of course." There was so much he wanted to ask; so much he wanted to say, but now was neither the time nor the place. He was just grateful that Lupin was at least behaving as cordially towards him as he always did. "I trust you slept well?"

"I did, thank you. And yourself?"

"Passably." He busied himself attacking a slice of buttered toast with a knife, cutting into strips.

Remus watched for a moment, trying to keep his thoughts pure as he stared at Snape's hands. "I do hope I'm not bothering you."

Snape raised his eyes and fixed Lupin with an astonished stare. Shaking his head, he softly said, "No, of course not."

"I'm glad to hear that. You understand, of course, why I thought otherwise."

Yes, Snape could easily see why Lupin would think that he had no desire to talk to him. "I do."

Remus turned his attention back to his food, pleased with Snape's denial that Remus was bothering him.

Glad that Lupin at least appeared to wish to speak to him, Snape breathed a sigh of relief. "Do you have any plans for the morning?"

"Normally I correct papers, but I think I took care of all of them yesterday," he said with a chuckle. "I do need to see Dumbledore about the identity of the students that were responsible for yesterday's fiasco. Oddly enough, he refused to tell me last night."

Snape was also most interesting in finding out the identity of the culprits. "Would you mind if I accompanied you?"

"As long as you don't tell me 'I told you so' if they are Gryffindor students."

Smirking, Snape nodded. "Very well, if you insist."

"Most gracious of you Severus."

Raising a brow, Snape tried to fight the smile that was threatening to spread over his thin lips. It would not do to be seen enjoying himself in the presence of the students; he saw no reason to give them any more reason to play any practical jokes that may go wrong. "When do you plan on going?"

"After breakfast."

They finished eating in silence, Remus finishing before Snape. He folded his napkin, placed it on his plate, and waited silently.

Snape finished his breakfast a few moments later, noting how Lupin seemed to be waiting for him to complete his. "Shall we go?"

"Certainly," Remus answered. He noted their leaving together did not go unnoticed by anyone present, and he was amused to think what Snape thought of it. Nor did Dumbledore seem particularly surprised to see them both although as far as Remus was aware, he had been expecting only Remus.

"Good morning Professors, good morning. Please, have a seat." Remus and Snape sat, and waited for Dumbledore to continue. He smiled before he did so, asking then, "I'm glad to see both of you are alive and well after yesterday."

Snape resisted the tugging at the corner of his lips, determined to keep his manner as professional as possible. "The experience wasn't wholly unpleasant. Quite enlightening as it happens."

Remus didn't bother to repress a small grin at Snape's words or Dumbledore's not so surprised expression.

"I'm pleased to hear that, Severus," Dumbledore said. "I take it you are both here because you wish to know the identity of the troublemakers, is that correct?"

Snape stole a glance towards Lupin, keen to see his reaction when Dumbledore revealed who was responsible. "That is correct Headmaster."

"Avery Wood, Bridget Thomas, Mark Raman, and Linus Thomas."

Remus glanced at Snape, amused. That was two Gryffindor students and two Slytherin.

Smirking, Snape bowed his head slightly by way of an acknowledgment. He wasn't overjoyed that two of his students chose to partake in this prank, and even less so at the fact that they had done so with Gryffindor students. However, something about Lupin's obvious amusement caused his annoyance to melt away rather quicker than he would have liked. "Thank you Headmaster," he said finally.

"You're welcome, Severus. Their punishments have been duly handed out already, so there should be no call for further penalty, I should think," Dumbledore said, watching Severus a minute longer than he had Remus.

Remaining seated for a few moments more, Snape eventually stood. "Well, if that will be all?" His gaze moved between Dumbledore and Lupin, looking for signs from either man that he was free to go. "Lupin, perhaps you would like to accompany me while I finish your potion. You may find the process interesting."

Dumbledore smiled knowingly, which only served to amuse Remus more and no doubt infuriate Snape. Remus stood and nodded. "That would be most interesting. Please, lead the way."

Bowing to the Headmaster, Snape left the room, Lupin following on a few steps behind. Once they were out in the corridor, Snape turned and faced Lupin. "You are aware of course that I need to concentrate while brewing the potion. You may observe but touch nothing."

"Nothing at all?" Remus asked with perfect innocence.

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Well, we'll see." Spinning on his heel he turned and made his way down the corridor, robes billowing in his wake.

They arrived at Snape's Office a few minutes later. Releasing the many sealing charms Snape used to prevent the more brave or foolish students from entering without his permission, he began to make his way to his private store. Waving his hand at a vacant chair opposite his desk, he motioned Lupin to sit. "Feel free to make yourself comfortable, you may be here a while if you stay until its completion."

Remus took a sear near Snape's workbench, amazed at himself for being there and amazed that Snape invited him. "Will you explain what you're doing? I promise not to touch your ingredients or anything of the sort. "

Snape's cheeks flushed upon hearing Lupin's words. His mind raced at the thought of Lupin's hands running over the workbench, picking up and inspecting ingredients, before smiling and laying them back down on the desk. His pulse quickened at the thought of him inching closer to him, once again feeling his hot, sweet breath on the back of his neck as his hands touched his elbows. Blood pounded in his ears as Lupin's hands ran down his arms, before moving onto his hips, inching ever lower.

Steadying himself by grabbing onto the shelf, he took several deep breaths. It was foolishness to think these things, and no good would certainly come of it. The only thing on offer to him from Lupin was friendship, and as grateful as he was for that, he would just have to make the best of the situation.

He re-emerged from the store a few moments later arms laden with ingredients, Snape nodded. "Certainly. After all, the purpose of you being here is to see what is involved in making your potion." Dropping the items on the bench, he failed to mention that the other reason why he had invited Lupin along was that he found himself wanting to spend more time with him.

Two hours passed, as Snape chopped, sliced, sprinkled, and stirred. Lupin asking the occasional question which he would answer thoroughly and with careful consideration, occasionally asking Lupin to pass him an ingredient to involve him more in the process. Eventually, the potion was complete and Snape poured it into a goblet, handing the smoking concoction to Lupin.

"And that, Lupin, is how you make the Wolfsbane Potion."

Accepting the goblet, Remus wrinkled his nose and sighed. "I've listened and watched you for two hours and I still don't understand why it smells so horrible."

"Yes, it is rather vile" Snape said. "Of course, as disgusting as it smells, it shouldn't taste as bad. I didn't add any wormwood, so it shouldn't be quite as bitter." He smiled half-amused, half-apologetic. He had been guilty in the past of including ingredients that he knew wouldn't disturb the effect of the potion, simply because he knew that they would make it more unpleasant to take.

Remus sipped at the potion hesitantly, but found it did not have its normal bitter taste. "I ought to curse your arse into next year for that, Severus."

Frowning, Snape began clearing his equipment and leftover ingredients away. "The potion was effective was it not? Yes, it had a slightly bitter taste to it, but are you a man or not Remus? Surely you are beyond the age of complaining about medicine tasting badly."

Remus narrowed his eyes. For a brief moment, he entertained the idea of showing Snape just how it tasted, less bitter now or not. He doubted Snape would willingly try to sample the potion, but another thought took care of that. He _could_ force Snape into trying a taste, and making it worth both their while. He _could _take a finger, dip it into the potion, and offer it to Snape. Snape _could_ lick it off... "It wasn't the medicine I was complaining about."

"Then what _were_ you complaining about?"

"Missed years of possible companionship, I suppose."

It was hard for Snape not to act taken aback by Lupin's words, dropping several of the items that he had picked up in his surprise. "You are hardly at a loss for people to spend time with, Lupin. You know as well as I that you are one of the most valued and beloved Professors of this school, by staff and student alike."

"I'm not sure I follow you," Remus frowned. "I wasn't speaking about anyone else as that has nothing to do with it. I think we misunderstood each other for a very long time, Severus, and it is a great pity. We both seem to have a great deal in common, and when you are not snarling and being your usual jolly self, I enjoy being in your company."

Snape looked skeptical. "Why would it matter to you? Those years you speak of, it isn't as though our not being on friendly terms left you desolate and alone."

"Perhaps, perhaps not. It's not a question of the number of acquaintances, it's that each person in your live offers something special."

"I hardly have anything to offer you Lupin, so by that reasoning you missed nothing."

Remus sighed. "Why are you so certain? If you would prefer I would recant, well, I don't want to. But I don't want to sit here and listen to you shoot down everything I'm saying, either. Everyone provides someone else with something no one else can. That is my belief, whether you believe it or not."

"Because I have nothing to offer anyone!" Thumping his fists on the bench, he turned his head away from Lupin. What could he, Severus Snape, possibly have that anyone else would want? All that was left within him were the remnants of a lifetime of bitterness and anger. He had no idea where he would even begin to forge a friendship with someone, uncertain if he could for any length of time before driving them away with his insecurities and jealousy, jealousy that had already begun to rear its ugly head even though his bond with Lupin was fresh. Shaking his head sadly, he brought one hand to his face and rubbed his eyes wearily. "Though there is much I can gain from you, there is nothing I can give in return."

"Let me asking you something, Severus. Have I not always been civil to you? Could I not very well hate you for announcing to everyone what I am? It cost me much, you realize. A job, friends, resources in searching for Matt. I have just as much to be bitter about as you, but I much prefer friendly terms. To be able to speak to one another with civility – you don't think that isn't giving me something?" Remus sighed. "Take it or leave it Severus, but I am not going to keep hashing it out when you refuse to _hear_ what I am saying." A moment of silence passed before Remus added, "Besides that, you have already taught me something today. If I ever wish to be rather nasty or teasing to someone, I know now to add a wee bit of wormwood to their drink."

Snape couldn't help but smile at that. "You are right, of course. My apologies."

"I ought to warn you that I often am."

Finishing clearing away the remainder of the supplies, Snape moved to his desk and perched himself on its edge. His eyes becoming distant, he stared into space for sometime before finally speaking. "It has been a long time since I have been in a role and not known what was expected of me. The concept of friendship is somewhat alien to me, you understand. I still have a great deal to learn."

"Sounds much like life."

"Yes, perhaps." Snape had always believed that he had known everything that he needed to know about life. Certainly, there were mysteries that he, nor anyone else, could solve, but they never touched his every day existence so he had no reason to bother with them. Today, he had discovered that a whole new world had opened up to him with possibilities that he had never imagined. He also knew that along with the possibilities there must also be expectations. Although Lupin had implied that his acceptance of his friendship was enough, Snape couldn't help but believe there was more that he was required to do.

"I don't mean to anger you or frustrate you with what I say, Lupin. My feelings are not because of anything you have said or done and I am aware that it is unfair to take them out on you, as I did last night. I cannot give any assurances that I won't do so again; I refuse to make promises that I do not know if I can keep." He paused for a moment to look at Lupin. "That is something you will have to learn to deal with Lupin, if this friendship is to work."

"Although I may look perfect, I realize I am far from it. Consider it understood. Now, do you plan to starve me, or might we have lunch now? Quite possibly anything to rid me the taste of that awful potion of yours."

Laughing, Snape stood and moved back towards his store where he always kept some fresh food ingredients in the event he did not feel like joining the others in the Great Hall. "Are you sure you have not had enough of my cooking by now?

"I assure you I have not. Unless your cooking skills include wormwood as well, in which case I fear I will have to retire to the Hall."

"No, I do believe I shall forego the wormwood on this occasion." Grabbing some potatoes, carrots and onions from a dark corner of the store, he made his way back to the bench and chopped them quickly, popping them into the cauldron. "I do hope you like soup. It seems that is all I have supplies for at the moment."

"Soup is fine, thank you." Remus wondered at what point he decided to ignore rational thought and instead act upon his attraction for Snape. Denial had been swift in leaving and ruining their fragile bond would be foolish, but Remus had not gotten where he was today by not taking risks nor ignoring his heart – nor other body extremities, for that matter. He doubted Snape would believe him if he outright stated his attraction, but the Snape was an intelligent man. He could always use that to his advantage and play it slowly. That way, if he would be able to tell if Snape was unreceptive or not. If he were, Remus would have nothing to lose. However, if he were not... they would both have a lot to gain. He wasn't sure how Snape's sexual preferences fell, not quite, but he knew Snape had felt a little of the chemistry yesterday and it was encouraging. Trying and failing seemed like a better option than not knowing, at any rate.

Smiling, he poured some stock for the soup from the tip of his wand into the cauldron, much as he had done the previous evening with the sauce for the chicken. "Would you be so kind as to fetch some cutlery Lupin? You can find some in my desk on the top right drawer, it is already open."

"I'm sorry Severus, what did you say?"

Looking up, Snape's expression was concerned. "I asked if you would mind fetching some cutlery from my desk." Lupin had obviously been deep in thought about something; not only was it obvious from his lack of hearing Snape's question the expression on his face still looked thoughtful. "Is everything all right?"

Biting his lip, Remus resisted the urge to chuckle as he stood and walked to Snape's desk. "Yes, sorry. I seem to have gotten lost in my own thoughts. Where shall I...?"

This answer seemed to satisfy Snape, as he motioned Lupin towards a table at the other side of the room. "Over there will be fine." Pouring out the soup, he moved towards his desk where there was a basket of bread rolls sitting waiting. Grabbing a couple, he put them on the side plates as he retrieved the bowls and moved towards the table, laying them down at opposite ends from one another. "You can sit down Lupin, I don't expect you to stand while we eat." The smirk was back on his face as he smoothed a napkin down on his lap.

Remus shook his head as he took his seat. "You're too kind, Professor." He cautiously tried the soup, expecting it to be hot and was pleasantly surprised to find it wasn't. "This is wonderful, Severus."

Snape warmed under Lupin's praise. He had never cooked for anyone other than himself before, and to hear and see that it was appreciated touched him deeply. "Thank you." Taking Lupin's roll, he split it in two before spreading it with a thin scraping of butter and tapping it gently with his wand. "Try this with it," he smiled, handing the roll back to Lupin.

Remus did, and their lunch passed enjoyably. Remus helped Snape clean up and they had just sat back down when Remus noted the time. Swearing softly, he stood back up and shook his head. "I fear I'm needed elsewhere for a while, but if you would like to come by after supper, I can give you that book you wanted?"

Feeling his stomach drop, Snape nodded. "I shall." Standing, he bowed slightly, "Thank you for your company this morning, it was ... pleasant."

Remus didn't particularly want to go, but he chided himself to take small steps. He smiled his goodbye before closing the door behind him.


	7. Chapter Seven

Remus' afternoon mission took him longer than he thought it would, and he ended up giving supper a miss. Part of the reason was the letter he had received, part of it was the amount of time he had spent reflecting on Snape. It was no longer surprising to Remus to know he had a companion in Snape and he believed the other man's interested in keeping it such as honest. However, the more time Remus spent apart from Snape, the more agitated he became. Surely, that was not normal for so short a time in friendship? He didn't think so, leastwise he'd never had the feeling for so short a time apart from anyone else. So, what did it mean? He wasn't sure, but he knew he would find out, one way or another.

Warming some tea, he found the book for Snape, curled up in his favourite chair opposite the fire with the letter, and waited.

Snape had hurried to the Great Hall, anxious to see Lupin again. He had spent the afternoon trying to concentrate on marking some assignments but had eventually given up after hours of staring at the pieces of parchment, unable to absorb the words that were on them.

He had enjoyed the morning with Lupin immensely, surprised by how good it was to have company; someone to talk with about books and potions and even recipes that he had created. The bond between them was still fragile but Snape was surprised to find that he cherished it all the more because of this, determined to nurture it and make it stronger. Sitting at the Professor's Table, he waited…and waited. Lupin never arrived, the chair next to him remaining cold and unwelcoming.

A thousand thoughts ran through his mind, wondering where Lupin could be. He said he would be at supper and it was most unlike him not to keep a prior engagement. Remembering how he said he needed to be somewhere, Snape wondered if perhaps he had simply been held up. Maybe he had met his friend, and had decided to eat with him instead of returning to the school. It wasn't an unreasonable assumption, but it was one that made Snape's blood run cold.

Glancing quickly at the time, he remembered that he was supposed to drop by Lupin's rooms to collect the book that Lupin had agreed to let him borrow. Maybe Lupin had changed his mind, or perhaps he hadn't returned yet. He could easily think of any number of reasons not to keep the appointment, but as he took his leave from the table, he summoned every drop of courage and confidence that he could muster. Arriving at Lupin's room a short time after, he gave the door two sharp knocks and waited.

Remus smiled at the sound. "Come in," he called.

Opening the door slowly, Snape tentatively took a few steps into the room. "Good evening." He said, almost shyly. It was the first time that Snape had ever been in Lupin's chambers, and being on unfamiliar ground off-footed him somewhat.

Still smiling, Remus stood. Nodding at the table, he said, "There's the book." He turned to the kitchen to refill his mug. "Can I interest you in a cup of tea?"

Walking towards the table, Snape picked up the book and flicked through it briefly. "I don't wish to put you to any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all."

"Then tea would be nice, thank you."

Remus smiled and brought both cups back to the sitting area, making sure to hand Snape's to him. "Please, sit."

Snape took the cup from Lupin, feeling a sudden jolt pass through his body as his fingers briefly brushed against Lupin's in doing so. Quickly, he moved towards the nearest chair, positioning himself on its edge. There would have been little point in denying it now, even if he hadn't already past the stage of trying. Snape was attracted to Lupin, deeply and desperately attracted to him. Taking a sip of his tea with slightly trembling hands, he sat silently. He had waited so anxiously all afternoon for this moment and now that it was finally here, he had no idea what to say.

For his part, Remus was dealing with his own thoughts. He felt that charge again, and he _knew_ this time that Snape had felt it too, and didn't seem in the least upset by it. It was encouraging to say the least, and perhaps more than he had hoped for. "Did you want to read a bit of the book now? In case you have questions so I might be able to answer them."

Placing his tea on the table in front of him, Snape opened the book and began to finger through its pages. Blocks of text were interspersed with stunning images causing Snape to wish that the holidays would come sooner. "It is clear to see why you chose to set up home there. It really is quite beautiful."

"It really is. I love my home and I love the area. The people are kind, the place beautiful, and the history enchanting. I've long thought about writing a book on the history of the area."

"Perhaps you should," Snape replied, not looking up.

"I might, one day. For now I have many other things that require my attention; time for writing or drawing isn't much of an option."

Raising his eyes then, Snape tilted his head to one side. "Aren't you the one who acted surprised when I mentioned that I have no time for pleasurable activities? I find it somewhat ironic that you are now claiming the same thing."

Remus laughed softly. "I am not claiming no time for anything pleasurable, just stating there's not enough time to do everything I desire, is all."

Snape shrugged. "If you insist." He returned his attention towards the book, flipping a few more pages before finally speaking again. "So what is it that is commanding so much of your time?"

"Teaching, mostly."

"You weren't teaching this afternoon, then would have been a perfect opportunity." Snape's words were tinged with annoyance, but his tone was otherwise even and unaffected. He knew that it wouldn't particularly please him to hear the details of Lupin's afternoon, but he found not knowing equally as maddening.

"I was too busy thinking," Remus said, answering the unspoken question with honesty. He placed the letter on the table and nodded to it. "I had been waiting for that this afternoon."

Laying the book to one side, Snape hesitantly took the letter from the table, opening it slowly as his shrewd eyes skimmed its contents several times over before he finally looked up. He couldn't help suddenly feeling most foolish. Once again, he had almost allowed himself to be overcome by his irrational jealousy, and at a time where Lupin probably needed it the least. "Where did you find this?" he asked finally.

"It came by owl today."

He couldn't explain why, but the fact that the letter had been delivered directly to the school concerned Snape. If it were indeed from Lupin's brother, than that would seem to indicate that he knew that Lupin was there. If this were the case, why hadn't he contacted him more directly; let him know that he was alive?

The letter had been much the same as the others, however this time it contained an even more cryptic message. Casting his eyes over the parchment, he read the contents silently to himself. "_Eug á Brath…Eilean Iarmain - Isleornsay_"

Standing, Snape began to slowly pace around the room, the wheels of his mind clearly in motion before finally coming to a halt close to where Lupin sat. "Do you have any idea what this means?"

"From my thin understanding of Gaelic, I believe the first part says 'death is knowledge.'"

"I see. What do you suppose it means?" There was little doubt in Snape's own mind now that author of these letters had something other than a tearful reunion in store for Lupin. However, he did not wish to alarm him, so he kept his own counsel for the moment, planning first to carry out some research of his own. With the resources at his disposal and his contacts, perhaps he would uncover more than Lupin had been able to. Stretching out his arm, he offered the letter back to Lupin.

"Eilean Iarmain is a village in Skye, not very far from my home. As for the _Eug á Brath_, any number of things, I suppose," Remus replied, taking the letter back. "It sounds like an old clan motto to me."

"Do you still believe it is your brother sending you the letters?" Sitting back down, Snape took another sip of his tea.

"I honestly don't know. Someone is, and that someone realises what I am looking for. That's all I know."

"What do you plan to do now?"

"Instead of Pitlochry, I'll be visiting Skye during the holidays."

Trying to ignore the jolt in his stomach that accompanied Lupin's words, Snape looked into this cup, as if finding something terribly interesting inside it. "Of course. You will be requiring the use of your home I take it. I can easily amend my plans and remain at Hogwarts over the holidays."

Confused at Snape's words, Remus shook his head. "Not at all. I will be on the other side of the Isle for two days or so, and then Killin for the rest of the time. My offer to you still stands if you desire it."

Nodding slowly, Snape accepted Lupin's offer. "If you are sure, then yes, thank you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Snape spied a sliver of parchment, peeking out from its semi concealment under a pile of books that were sitting on the table. Pulling it out idly, he ran his eyes over it, seeing Lupin's familiar handwriting. It contained only three words, hastily written upon it: at spes infracta. 'Yet my hope is unbroken', he thought to himself. Holding the parchment up, he fixed his eyes upon Lupin whom he noticed was looking back at him, apparently having been so for some time. "Do you care to explain what this is all about?"

"It's my reply," Remus answered quietly.

His eyes widening incredulously, Snape shook his head. "Lupin, have you taken leave of your senses entirely? You have no real clue as to the identity of the person leaving you these letters, don't you think encouraging them in this manner unwise?"

"You are correct of course, which is why it is here and not on its way to whomever." If Remus was surprised by Severus' treating him like an errant child, he did not show it.

"Then you will have no objection to its disposal." Taking out his wand, Snape conjured a small quantity of blue flame that he directed towards the piece of parchment in his hand. Watching as it ignited, he moved towards the fireplace and dropped it on the smouldering coals, turning towards Lupin once he had done so.

"Apparently not," Remus said dryly. He had no idea what encouraged Snape to rid him of the parchment like that, but it wasn't as though he couldn't have written another out if he so wished.

"I don't want you to even think about trying to reply should you receive another of these letters, do I make myself clear Lupin?"

"Your words and tone certainty bode no argument."

Snape had the distinct feeling that Lupin was merely humouring him. He was well aware that there was nothing he could do to prevent Lupin from replying if he really wished too, but at the very least he knew Snape's feelings on the subject.

"Please Lupin." His voice almost pleading, he hated the betraying sound of weakness that was passing from his lips. "At the very least wait until we know more."

Shocked first by hearing Snape say please and then again by his saying 'we', Remus was not quite certain how to reply. "I have no plans on replying to any of the letters, Severus. I haven't in quite some time."

Smiling weakly he bowed his head, relived. However, the feeling was short lived as a thought occurred to him then. Lupin perhaps did not intend to reply to the letters but he was certainly up to something.

"Then what do you plan on doing Lupin? Why did you change your holiday arrangements?"

"My plans are the same as they have been, there was no change. Only in location." He rubbed his forehead with two fingers, sighing. "I realise I may seem particularly foolish or ignorant, but this is all I have. I take the necessary precautions, I assure you. If something were to happen, I alone would be responsible and I will shoulder the blame at the time if it is needed. Now, I've taken up more than enough of your time about that subject. Did you have more questions about where you will be staying? I have a book on computers here as well that I thought perhaps you'd like to see."

No one could ever accuse Severus Snape of not being able to take a hint. Sensing that Lupin wanted the subject dropped, he shook his head. "No, I have no further questions, although I would very much like to see the other book."

The rest of the night passed as well as the afternoon had. After speaking about the books for a while, Remus invited Snape to play chess. They played three rounds; Snape had won two of those. During the games, they spoke of nothing much of substance, although their talking itself was important. Remus could feel their bond growing, and he was more pleased than he could have said.

He would reflect later how fast time seemed to go when with Snape, as though mocking him, knowing he would feel alone again once Snape was gone. The only good from this was Snape had seemed just as hesitant to leave that night as Lupin had been to have him go. The same with the night after that, and the night after that, and each night that week. Each night, Snape made the potion, and would either bring it to Remus in his room, following which they would play chess, or Snape would invite Lupin to his office, where they would speak of potions, the upcoming holidays, and whatever else came to mind. Not once more did the letters or Matt come up, although it was far from either of their minds, each for their own reasons. It was an easy friendship now, and as comfortable as if they had known each other, and been on friendly terms, for years.

The day of the full moon came quicker than Remus wanted it to. It was bitterly cold and clear that day, cloudy and frozen that night, and the weather fit his mood perfectly. Not long after supper, Snape knocked on the door of Remus' room, carrying the final dose of Wolfbane for the month. Remus answered the door, but this time he didn't step aside for Snape to enter.

"Forgive me for not inviting you in, Severus. I… need to rest before tonight." Even Remus' voice was tired, his exhaustion apparent. He handed Snape an envelope as he took the goblet from Snape. "In there is the key to the cottage and a map of the area. There is fresh food in the pantry, the computer is in my room, the guest room across the hall, and there is plenty of space if you wish to do any potion making during your stay. You should have everything you need. Have a lovely holiday, Severus." And with that, Remus smiled softly, backed up into the room, and closed the door. He knew why his heart ached and he didn't want to analyse it, but he knew he would think of nothing else that night. He locked the door, pulled the drapes, and waited.


	8. Chapter Eight

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A/N: -whispers- any mistakes in the Scottish Gaelic are mine, and I apologise profusely for them - please don't hate me.

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Remus rested as much as he felt he would be able to safely the next morning, still waking before noon. He had a ways to go before the afternoon was gone, and he wanted to make damn sure he was there before the sun set. Packing lightly, he kept his mind focused on what he may find tonight, and he did his best to avoid thinking of Snape. He had to, or his mind would drive to thoughts of kissing Snape, and laying Snape down while undressing him, and kissing his neck… he realised then he had never seen Snape's neck, and he frowned at the thought.

Arriving just before sunset, Remus took in the small village of Eilean Iarmain. Like most of Skye, it was a small, tightly knit community. A small lighthouse overlooked the sheltered harbour, not far from the main street where the hotel was located, and near where Remus stopped to catch his breath. He had to walk the rest of the way to Fearann Eilean Iarmain.

He reflected it had probably been a wise idea; not mentioning to Snape the letter had come with a hotel room key, for Snape most certainly would have demanded Remus to hand it over, or any other many possibilities, none of them which would have allowed Remus to be here tonight. Laughing at that, he could not resist the warm feeling that came with knowing Snape was concerned about him.

"_Failte_," Remus greeted the clerk behind the desk at the hotel. He ordered dinner through their room service before retiring to his room to wait. And wait he did. Nothing came for him that night, nor the next day nor the day after and by the second night, Remus decided he had had enough of being caged up and waiting.

He owled Jack, asking him to meet him at his room later. He had planned to go to see Jack and his family after this, but he found he couldn't even muster the desire to do so. Every time he tried, his mind was filled with thoughts of Snape instead. Snape alone at the cottage, alone for Christmas. It would not have been fair to Jack and his family or even to Remus to be thrust together when all he wanted to do was be near Snape. He would owl Snape after he got back from his walk, asking if perhaps Snape wouldn't mind a visit this week.

It was thoughts of Snape that filled his mind as he walked down toward the harbour that Christmas Eve, and it was thoughts of Snape that kept him distracted enough so that he did not hear the near silent footsteps behind him. He had no time to grab his wand as the first spell hit him, and he fell to the ground, hitting it hard and out of breath.

__

'Tha me duilich,' the wind carried.

"Not yet you're not," Remus growled in reply, reaching for his wand and rolling out of the way of the next spell just in time. Not knowing where to fire his spell, or at who for that matter, Remus concentrated on defensive spells while waiting.

He didn't have to wait long.

"_Do àm cha bhi dràsd_," the windy voice said before firing three more spells in rapid succession, each lowering Remus' defence more. A fourth and final spell left his vision blackening and pain in his head and legs.

"_Ath-uair_."

---------

Snape arrived at Lupin's cottage early the following morning, having set out after a few hours of unsuccessful attempts at sleep. The frost had fallen heavily and the world outside had been coated in a shimmering, icy glaze, causing Snape to have to take great care when walking not to slip and slide all over the place. He could, of course, just have cast a simple spell to prevent this from happening, but in a Muggle populated area this would have been highly unwise.

Dropping his trunk, he rummaged around inside his robes, searching for the envelope containing the key to the cottage. He had managed to find the location with little trouble, pleasantly surprised by the sights that greeted him on his arrival. Finding the key, he unlocked the door and let himself in.

The cottage was in darkness, and as bitterly cold as it was outside. Shivering slightly he conjured a small ball of light in his hand, and looked around for the fireplace. Finding it a few moments later, he shot several sparks from the end of his wand in the direction of the fire and the room was instantly illuminated in a welcoming, orange glow.

The cottage wasn't at all like he had expected. He never really understood why, but he had always assumed that Lupin would be an orderly sort of person: a place for everything and everything in its place, however his home told a different story. Although it wasn't untidy by any stretch of the word, it definitely had a 'lived in' feeling too it, which warmed Snape more than the fire that was burning in the grate. He missed Lupin already, and was more than a little worried about him. It hadn't escaped Snape's notice that he was reluctant not to let him into his room when he had went to deliver the potion the previous evening. Snape could tell that Lupin didn't want to be alone anymore than he wanted to leave him, but he understood why; and he respected that.

He took a few moments to look around the cottage. The walls and shelves were packed full of photographs of smiling faces; some he recognized and others he didn't. Moving towards one shelf, he noticed a photo of the Gryffindor trio that Lupin had been so fond of; Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ronald Weasley. Lupin was standing between Harry and Hermione, arms draped over their shoulders as Ron knelt on the grass in front of them. He looked happy. It had been taken shortly after Voldemort's defeat, where everyone had done nothing but laugh and joke and smile for great many weeks afterward. That look had slowly faded from Lupin, not that Snape had noticed it at the time, but seeing the picture in his hand made him realise how much this recent business with his brother had taken its toll on him.

Replacing the picture, he picked up one that was sitting next to it. The beaming faces of Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew waved back at him. Feeling a stab of resentment, he put it back on the shelf, face down, and made his way up to the guest room where he began to make a start unpacking his things. He had two weeks of solitude ahead of him, and although he found himself wishing that Lupin were here with him, being somewhere that was full of items and smells that reminded Snape of him somehow made the time apart all that more bearable. Term would start again soon and as he lay down on the cool bed, closing his eyes to rest them for only a moment, he found himself thinking that the end of the holidays couldn't come quick enough.

Snape spent the next few days, reading and working on various potions in the kitchen that he wanted to experiment with. In the evenings, he took to exploring the cottage; rummaging through old photograph albums and other personal effects belonging to Lupin. The man really was something of a packrat; he seemed reluctant to throw anything away.

Christmas Eve rolled around faster than Snape had expected it to. Settling himself in front of the fire, as the clock struck midnight, he held up a goblet of pumpkin juice that he had poured himself. "Merry Christmas Remus," he whispered softly.


	9. Chapter Nine

Snape found himself waking with a start by a disturbance at the door. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping, apparently dropping off sometime after his midnight toast. Grabbing his wand, he moved towards the door, careful to remain in the shadows so as not to be seen.

The door opened, and a tall, dark haired figure moved in, kicking the door closed behind him as he carried something that looked remarkably like a person in his arms. Waiting until the stranger dropped his load on the couch which Snape only moments before vacated, Snape crept up behind him, placing the tip of his wand against the back of the stranger's neck. "Don't move a muscle." Feeling the man tense, obviously surprised at finding someone at the cottage, Snape smirked.

"Now, who are you and what are you doing here?" He hadn't yet noticed the identity of the person lying on the couch, his attention fixed firmly on the intruder.

The man rounded, stiff and wary, worry and impatience evident. "I could ask the same of you."

For a moment Snape thought that he had seen a ghost, the stranger in front of him posing a strong resemblance to Sirius Black, a man he knew to be long since dead. His appearance helping none in suppressing Snape's hostility, in fact serving only to increase it more, Snape raised his wand once again, aiming it at the intruder's chest. "You would be unwise to trifle with me. Now, I shall ask you again; who are you and what are you doing here?"

Through clenched teeth the man yielded. "I am Jack Callaghan, and friend to Remus Lupin, whose home you are in. Perhaps now you that you know my name, now you will tell me who you are and why _you_ are here?"

For the first time since the man had dropped what he was carrying on the couch, Snape's eyes travelled towards the figure that lay stretched upon it. It was a man, and one whom he slowly realised with horror, was only too well known to him. "Lupin…" he breathed, almost in a state of disbelief. Rounding back on Jack, Snape's face darkened with malice as his voice became an angry growl. "What have you done to him?"

Moving to stand between the two men, Jack fought to keep his voice level. "I saved his life is all. Now, I ask you again stranger. Who are you?"

Pushing the man aside, Snape rushed to kneel beside where Lupin lay, motionless and cold. His breathing was faint, but a wave of relief spread over Snape as he realised that now that he was under his care Lupin would make a full and speedy recovery, if only this Jack person would leave.

Standing, Snape's eyes rounded on Jack, as a sudden realisation hit him. This was the friend Lupin had planned to spend the holidays with; this was the person whom he had believed to be his lover. Swallowing the rising hatred that was growing from the depths of his soul, Snape spoke clearly in his most authoritative voice.

"I am Severus Snape. Colleague and friend of Remus Lupin, who was so kind as to allow me usage of his home over the holidays." He smirked. "You, on the other hand, are leaving. Now."

Jack's tension eased away some at Snape's words, and he turned again and kneeled at Remus' side. "Your name is known to me. Remus speaks kindly of you, so perhaps my entrance startled you into harshness. For that, I beg your apology, and do let me assure you I have no plans of leaving Remus alone during Christmas and while injured." His hands moved out of familiarity along Remus' face, brushing his hair out of his eyes while he spoke to Snape.

Snape fought to resist the urge to curse the man who was touching Lupin in the way he had yearned to so many times. Considering himself particularly lucky to be so skilled in concealing his emotions, grateful that his grief was not visible on his features or in his voice, Snape raised his wand to Jack once again. Lupin had given Snape permission to use this cottage, and Jack, Lupin's lover or not, was leaving.

"On the contrary, you _are_ leaving. Lupin will not be alone for I shall be here to take care of him, and I can do a much better job of it than you can. Now, you can either chose to leave under your own will, or I can make you. Personally, I find the prospect of forcibly removing you quite pleasant, so feel free to indulge me."

Jack stood slowly, a thoughtful, almost sad expression on his face. "Remus had said… I see. No, I have no desire to be sent home in pieces, I imagine my nieces would be quite distressed, nor is Remus getting any better with us fighting about it. I will leave him to your care for now, and will be back later today with his bags and to check on him." Jack bent over and kissed Remus on the forehead, whispered something, and ignored Snape until he reached the door. "You make damn sure you take care of him, Sir. I'd hate to have to kill you." And with that, he closed the door quietly behind him.

Letting out a deep breath, Snape stood still for several moments, trying to erase the image of Jack's lips brushing Lupin's forehead with a tenderness that Snape found almost sickening. Perhaps he would never be anything more than a friend to Lupin, but he wasn't about to stand back and watch while the man he desired was being caressed and fondled by another. It wasn't in Snape's nature to be understanding, or particularly forgiving and should Lupin's lover give him any further cause to harm him, Snape knew he would feel no remorse in doing so.

Anger abated for the time being, Snape rushed to the kitchen, arriving at Lupin's side a few moments later with a collection of ointments and potions that he had taken with him, others that he had made, planning to leave them there for Lupin should he find himself in need of them at some time.

In the hours that followed, Snape only left Lupin's side to fetch more potions, trying whatever he could get his hands on to revive him, but in failing that, doing what he could to make him comfortable. He looked peaceful, almost as though he were merely sleeping. Reaching out his hand, intending to touch him, only for a moment; only giving his cheeks the lightest of brushes with this fingertips, he stopped as Lupin's still closed eyes began to flicker gently.

As soon as Remus' eyes opened, he knew right away where he was and who he was with… just not how he had come to be there. He took a deep breath. "Severus?" he asked, brow furrowed.

Smiling gently, Snape nodded. "Don't try to talk too much, you still need your rest."

Ignoring the logic in Severus' words, Remus sat up some, wincing as his muscles disagreed with his decision. "How did I get here?"

"Your friend brought you." Snape's voice had become a touch icier than he would have liked at the memory of Jack. Lupin needed rest, and he certainly didn't need to deal with his jealousy, not when he was still recovering, not even once he got well. Smiling by way of an attempt to lessen the hostility that had crept its way into his words, Snape pressed on Lupin's shoulders, gently urging him to lay back down.

But Remus still wasn't listening to logic, nor was he paying attention to Snape's urging. "'_Do àm cha bhi dràsd_,'" he repeated to himself, mind racing as he mentally replayed the last few minutes he remembered before being where he was now.

Snape frowned. "Lupin?"

Absently Remus glanced up at Snape. "Yes, Severus?"

"What are you thinking about?" Snape could see that Lupin was distracted he had the same distant look in his eyes that he had seen many times before.

"Mostly thinking that I am an idiot."

Confused, Snape urged Lupin to continue. "I am not sure I understand."

Remus sighed. "The letter that I showed you last week? It came with a key, a key to a hotel room. That is where I have been the past two days, waiting. Last night, I became… bored of waiting and went for a walk; too preoccupied with my thoughts to hear someone walk up behind me." Mentally Remus wondered if he could have stated that anymore childishly, but Severus… well, he just had that sort of effect on Remus.

Snape could feel his face tightening, his disapproval becoming horribly apparent. He was in no doubt that Lupin realised he would have attempted to talk him out of going there at all let alone by himself, also knowing that this was probably the reason why he had failed to tell him about the key. The trap had been so obvious, and Snape had to bite back his words of chastisement, knowing that Lupin had suffered enough for his mistake.

"I assume this person was the one who attacked you," he finally managed to reply, his voice stiff even as he struggled to relax his features.

Remus winced slightly at Snape's expression before snorting slightly at himself for doing so. "Yes, I would think so."

Busying himself tidying up the empty potion bottles that lay littered round him, being too pre-occupied before to worry much about housekeeping, Snape tried to keep his tone light. "I don't suppose you recognized them?"

"No, I didn't."

"And those words you spoke a few moments ago, they said that to you I take it."

"Those among other things, yes."

His patience beginning to wear thin, Snape stood and moved into the kitchen, noisily cleaning the bottles and returning them to their homes before returning and standing at the doorway. "Well?" he asked expectantly, "Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Which would you like me to tell you first? I imagine you expect I have a great deal to explain, and you are quite correct." Not quite sure where to begin, Remus ran a hand through his hair, and pulled out several leaves as he did so. Irrationally disgruntled, he scowled and tossed them to the floor. "I realise the stupidity of my actions, and I realised it before I mentioned the letter to you. I realise too you are probably quite angry with me for not telling you, and I cannot fault you that, I only hope you can understand my reasoning. I knew bloody well that the entire thing reeked of a trap and knowing that, there is no way I would drag someone else into this, and certainly not you. Do you happen to have a potion for this bloody headache that won't stop pounding?"

Snape disappeared back into the kitchen, and on emerging moments later, walked back towards the couch. Handing a small tub of thick, sticky mixture to Lupin, he placed his hands on the back of the couch and looked down at him. "Apply that to your forehead and the pain will ease," he replied gently, idly removing the remaining leaves that were tangled in Lupin's hair as he did so.

Feeling a chill that started from his neck to his feet, Remus held his breath as Snape removed the debris from his hair. Snape had never touched him like this before, never anything more than a passing contact. Moving slowly, Remus leaned back into Snape's hand just a little before continuing. "They said three things I heard. _Tha me duilich first, do àm cha bhi dràsd_ and then the last thing I heard, _ath-uair_. Respectively they mean 'I am sorry', 'now not shall be your time', and 'next time.'"

Disappointed to find that he had successfully managed to remove the last of the leaves, Snape reluctantly moved his hand from Lupin's hair. Despite the events of the previous evening, it had remained soft and silky smooth as his fingers moved easily through it. Sighing, he took a step back and moved to stand in front of the fire, gazing into the glowing embers.

"From now on, I think it unwise for you to go anywhere alone."

Remus was upset Snape had moved his hand, and he frowned in reaction. He occupied himself instead with applying the ointment to his temples, sighing in relief as the pain eased. "You might just be the most wonderful man in the world, Severus. I do believe I can _see_ again."

Snape felt his body tingle in the effect of Lupin's words, unable to control the warmth from flooding over him in torrents. It was foolishness, he knew, to allow himself to be thus affected, knowing as he did that Lupin wanted another, but his senses had all but taken leave from him as he turned and smiled. "I took the liberty of creating a few ointments and potions for your medicine cupboard, should you ever require them. There should be something there to relieve most common ailments, and a few not so common things."

"My most sincere thanks," Remus replied with a smile. "Does that mean you've been enjoying yourself here?"

Loneliness aside, Snape was surprised to find that he had. Nodding, he moved towards an empty chair and sat. "Yes, I have, thank you."

"Tell me what all you have done."

And so Snape did. Recounting his days of peaceful reading and potion brewing with the occasional walk along the beach when the whether permitted it. He did not mention, of course, the hours he spent looking through Lupin's things, delving into the history of the man who had so quickly become dear to him.

Once he was done, he went to brew some tea, returning a few minutes later, handing Lupin a steaming mug. "It really has been most idyllic, and I am grateful that you managed to convince me to come."

"Thank you." He accepted the tea gratefully. "I suppose saying 'I told you so' would get me cursed, or at the very least, glared at?" Remus grinned over the rim of his mug.

Laughing softly, Snape retook his seat, sipping his tea. "I do believe we have only just got you well. I have no desire to set back our progress."

"Very well then. Did I, or did I not, tell you so?" Remus teased.

"I do believe you did, Lupin. I am glad to see that you are being so gracious in triumph." Snape's thoughts wandered back to how Lupin had made him promise not to gloat should the Gryffindors been responsible for them being locked in the staff room, and he smirked slightly at the memory.

"The outcome was happy, so I see no reason not to gloat a _little_. I am sorry I've ruined your peacefulness though." Remus frowned now, genuinely upset he had bothered Snape, and due to his own stupidity no less.

It hadn't even occurred to Snape that Lupin would feel badly about being there, his surprise evident on his face. "Not at all, this is after all _your _home."

"And a home I offered to you in peace and solitude, which I've now bungled with my foolishness. If it's not a problem, I'll shower and then take leave back to Hogwarts."

"It is very much a problem." Shaking his head, Snape was surprised by this sudden turn of events, not least by Lupin's plans to return to the school rather than Jack's house where he had originally planned to spend the holidays.

"Peace and solitude I have had Lupin, however I am still not satisfied that you are well enough to travel. I think it would be more wise for you to remain here where I can keep an eye on you."

"I am fine now, thanks to you," Remus said, smiling warmly. "Feeling stupid and foolish to be caught off guard, but alive nonetheless." He paused for a moment. "I had actually been planning on owling to ask about coming by for a day."

Snape was loath to mention Jack's name, much preferring not to think of him, however he knew that it was only fair that Lupin know that he wasn't entirely responsible for his being well. "Actually, your friend had a great deal to do with it. Had he not brought you here I would never have been able to treat you." Staring into his cup, trying to sound as unaffected as possible, he continued. "He said he would stop by later to check on you."

"I see," Remus said softly. "Yes, I had figured as much. My gratitude remains the same, Severus. Thank you for your care, and thank you for not telling _me_ 'I told you so.'"

Snape merely nodded his acknowledgment. Truth be told, he saw little point in telling Remus how foolish he had been, the man knew that already and had suffered enough. His gratitude, Snape found, was all the reward he needed.

They sat in silence for long minutes, broken by Remus. "Merry Christmas, Severus."

With the events of the morning, Snape had completely forgotten about it being Christmas. It was a holiday that he had never particularly celebrated, tending to avoid the rest of the school by hiding in his chambers, sneaking off to the kitchens when the main feast was over. Truth be told, he had always despised the holiday, it stirring painful memories of past Christmases where he had been left to fend for himself while has parents ate, drank and celebrated at any one of their friends houses, leaving him at home alone with the elves. Once he was old enough to go to Hogwarts, he took to spending them alone, locked up in either the common room or in one of the various empty rooms in the castle. This Christmas was different, however. He had someone to share it with, someone he _wanted_ to share it with. Smiling into his tea, he spoke softly. "Merry Christmas, Remus."

"I have something for you, but I'm afraid it's with my stuff at the hotel. I'm sorry," Remus said, tone apologetic.

Snape looked up, surprised. He couldn't recall the last time anyone had brought him a gift, for any reason. "Thank you," being the only words he seemed to be able to muster he suddenly began to feel quite guilty. Flushing slightly, he continued, "I am afraid I have nothing for you…"

Remus grinned in reply. "I wouldn't say that."

"Oh?" Raising a brow, Snape regarded the man in front of him, noting with some pleasure the colour that had begun to return to his cheeks.

"Indeed. We can discuss it and other things later, perhaps? First, I'd prefer to shower and remove the rest of the forest from my body," he snorted before continuing, "but if you are indeed amenable with my staying for now, you can make us breakfast, and in exchange I'll make supper?"

Snape tried to fight the images of Lupin showering as they crept their way stealthily into his mind. In no way was he thinking of the way the water would fall over his naked body, plastering his soft hair to his scalp as he would then brush it out of his eyes with his hands, droplets of water clinging on his eyelashes as he did so.

He paid no heed to the slow, lathering motion of the soap as Lupin ran his hands up and down his skin, scrubbing and cleansing before finally standing under the steaming jet, face upwards, allowing the water to cascade over him.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, despite these thoughts and the reaction that Snape found himself a little embarrassed to be experiencing, he still believed it unwise for Lupin to be alone. He had not yet even attempted to stand; there was simply no way of knowing if he would be safe. Shaking his head, he tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. "I do not know Lupin. I don't think you being alone for any length of time at this stage is a particularly good idea."

"Are you inviting yourself to join me?" Remus asked with a teasing grin. "That might be a good idea…" _A very good idea, _Remus thought, not even surprised at himself for finding it to be very, very true.

There was no disguising the shock this time: Lupin's question taking Snape completely by surprise. He was correct though, it would be a good idea, and as Snape tried to remind himself, they were both mature adults, and now was hardly the time to start acting like an infantile schoolchild. Besides, the shower had a curtain, Snape would merely need to be present in the room to ensure that Lupin was safe and well, he need not see a thing. "Very well, I shall wait until you are in before entering, and I'll leave before you finish. You may not be strong enough to be alone as yet, but that is no reason for you not to retain your privacy."

__

It is Christmas, Remus thought. _The season for family, friends, happiness… and putting yourself out there to be a fool._

He stood on shaky legs and walked toward the other man, stopping at Snape's feet. "That's a very noble offer, Severus, but not exactly what I had in mind." He held his breath, waiting for Snape's realisation to what he was saying. He raised his brow, and stared pointedly at the other man. "I doubt my meaning can go undetected Severus, but to make sure it does not: I am extremely attracted to you and would very much like to kiss you. Right now, and quite possibly a whole lot in the foreseeable future." He crossed his arms and waited for the temper he knew he would inevitably see.

Snape instinctively sunk backwards into his seat, his surprise etched over his harsh features. Was this not what he wanted? Was it not what he had dreamt about so many times, what he had imagined, and craved for? Rising slowly to his feet, he gazed into Lupin's eyes. Tilting his head, his eyes narrowed as his mouth curled into a sneer. So this is what the whole display of friendship had been about. Lupin had a lover; one whom Snape believed Lupin thought him oblivious to, so there was no reason for his advance to be genuine, at least not for any reason other than to humiliate him.

"Well done Lupin." He spoke slowly and carefully, trying to hide the stab of pain that pierced his heart. "You nearly succeeded in completely sucking me into this juvenile little trap of yours. Fortunately for me, however, you played your trump card far too soon. I suppose some people really do never change. I should have known better than to think that I could trust you; to believe that your offer of friendship was anything other than another means to play a prank at my expense." Snorting, he leant his head closer towards Lupin so that their faces were inches apart. "I wouldn't be surprised if you had orchestrated that whole prank on the staff room as the opening act."

Taking a few steps, desperate to put some distance between himself and Lupin, he turned, snarling at the man whom moments before had been the one solely responsible for making Snape the happiest he had ever been in his life. "At least now I know the truth; what you are really like." Turning he made his way towards the stairs. "I wouldn't stay another moment in the same house as you, let alone allow you to touch me."

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A/N: This was not the original end to the chapter, but as it was starting to get long, it did seem like a logical place to stop. Well and I am Slytherin, you know.

Again, I want to note that eldnia has been writing this with me, and she does write Snape oh-so-wonderfully, ne? J

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Thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed – it means the world to me. :D The next chapter should be out tomorrow or Thursday. 3


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